Of Vengeance and Archdemons: A Tribute
by Prongsy's Girl
Summary: In a world where moments define lifetimes, the destinies of four heroes and two worlds will be decided. Cousland/Alistair and F!Hawke/Anders. Tribute to Skillet. Major Spoilers for both games!
1. First Knight

***A/N* **Welcome to the first installment of the Dragon Age tribute to Skillet. If you're not familiar with Skillet's music, first of all, you should be and second, I've posted a link to the song on YouTube. Personally, I think the best way is to listen to the song once before you read and then once after you read if you want to truly appreciate how they work together. You can try to read while listening, but it's not timed well and the song will probably end before the story - just warning you. Or, if you're like my husband, you'll just ignore the lyrics and read the story. That works too. Just erase the spaces to just the link. The sitedoesn't allow hyperlinks.

So, the usual disclaimers. First, I do not own Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age: Origins Awakening, or Dragon Age 2. I also don't own Skillet nor am I associated with any of the aforementioned identities.

Now that that's done, please enjoy the stories! Review, just don't flame me... I don't take it well. It hurts my feelings.

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><p><strong>First Knight: One Day Too Late<strong>

**www. you tube. come/watch?v=P_imfiEI4Lk**

Kalirosa Cousland walked across camp toward the fire, still chuckling under her breath. Sandal was, quite possibly, the most adorable dwarf she had ever met. As she approached the fire, however, she saw Alistair kneeling beside it. He was lounging, arm draped across his knee, gazing longingly into the flames and she couldn't help but wonder what thoughts could have entranced him so. He looked beautiful there – his armor throwing the light from the fire all across the campsite. She thought about stopping to talk to him, but he looked so content in his thoughts that she let him be and crossed to her tent. But no sooner had she reached for the flap when she heard his voice behind her.

"Kali!" She turned and watched him cross the campsite, meeting him halfway. "All right, I guess I really don't know how to ask you this." Kalirosa looked up at him, his nervousness etched on his face like a mask.

_Tick tock, hear the clock countdown_

_Wish the minute hand could be rewound_

_So much to do and so much I need to say_

_Will tomorrow be too late?_

"Are you sweating?" She asked, poking him with her words as she watched him fall all over himself. She loved his shy type of romance – she always had.

"No. I mean, yes. I mean…" He was falling all over himself and she couldn't help but giggle. "I'm a little nervous, sure. Not that this is anything bad or frightening or… well, yes. Oh, how do I say this? You'd think it would be easier, but every time I'm around you, I feel as if like my head's about to explode. I-I can't think straight." He was talking incredibly quickly, like he always did when he hadn't thought through his words very well, but Kalirosa didn't mind so much – she loved the sound of his voice, and she couldn't help but poke him one more time.

_Feel the moment slip into the past_

_Like sand through the hour glass_

_In the madness, I guess, I just forget_

_To do all the things I said_

"Oh? Thanks a lot." She hoped he could see that she was still smiling.

"Oh! I don't mean it like that. I mean… All right, let me start over." She wondered if he was getting ready to get it together and she fought the urge to run her hands through his blonde hair as he did so himself. He took another step closer and she looked up to meet his gaze. "Here's the thing: being near you makes me crazy, but I can't imagine being without you. Not ever." The smile on Kalirosa's face began to vanish as she realized the sincerity of Alistair's statement. "I don't know how to say this another way. I want to spend the night with you. Here, in the camp. Maybe this is too fast, I don't know, but… I know what I feel." Kalirosa was awestruck. She wanted to spend the night with him – she had for some time, but she had been afraid to approach the issue because of his background. She didn't think he'd want her that way.

_Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up_

_One step behind, now I've made my mind up._

"You want to spend the night? Are you sure?" She asked, fearing that he'd change his mind, but he didn't seem to hesitate in the slightest.

"I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place… but when will it be perfect? If things were, we wouldn't even have met. We sort of… stumbled into each other, and despite this being the least perfect time, I still found myself falling for you in between all the fighting and everything else." His words grew bolder as he continued and Kalirosa found herself drawn in by his confidence. "I really don't want to wait anymore. I've… I've never done this before. You know that. I want it to be with you… while we have the chance. In case…"

_Today, I'm gonna try a little harder_

_Gonna make every minute last longer_

_Gonna learn to forgive and forget_

'_Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it. _

_Today I'm gonna love my enemies_

_Reach out to somebody who needs me_

_Make a change, make the world a better place_

'_Cause tomorrow could be one day too late_

_One day too late, one day too late._

"Don't talk like that. There will always be time later." Kalirosa said, She couldn't bear the thought of losing him for any reason, and despite the fact that she knew it was something that had to be acknowledged, she refused to – not tonight.

"Will there? You don't know that. I don't know that. I'd like to be able to say that I threw caution to the wind at least once."

_Tick, tock, hear my life pass by_

_I can't erase and I can't rewind_

_Of all the things I regret the most I do_

_Wish I'd spent more time with you._

"Very well," She replied, taking another step closer to him as he looked down into her eyes. She couldn't look away from him – she could hardly even speak when her gaze met that of her fellow Grey Warden. "If that's what you really want…"

"I think so. I hope so." He still looked nervous and unsure, but when he pulled her into his arms and into his kiss, Kalirosa wasn't unsure anymore. She knew that this was what she wanted – what she'd always wanted.

_Here's my chance for a new beginning_

_I saved the best for a better ending_

_In the end I'll make it up to you_

_You'll see, you'll get the very best of me. _

He pulled her up into his arms and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he started walking backwards toward the tent. She loved that he could hold her like that – like she weighted nothing. She was gasping into his kisses as he dropped to his knees and laid her down on her bedspread. She looked up into his gaze, smiling when she saw his shyness.

_Time passes by, never thought I'd wind up_

_One step behind, now I've made my mind up_

"I love you, Kali. I love you so much.," Alistair whispered, "but I feel so awkward holding you."

"Why?" She asked, running her hands through his hair as she loosened the straps holding on his chest piece.

"You're delicate and beautiful and perfect and I've never held anything like you. Those aren't exactly words one can use to describe templars and darkspawn. Well, maybe I can think of one that describes all three." He smiled then and Kalirosa cocked her head and stared at him. "Deadly." They laughed until the awkwardness was gone and he wrapped his arms around her. She kissed him until all their armor was gone along with the all unpleasant things – darkspawn, Grey Wardens, demons, abominations and wild witches were nothing but fairy tales. Kali was sure that she and her lover were the only real things in the whole world.

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><p><em>Today, I'm gonna try a little harder<em>

_Gonna make every minute last longer_

_Gonna learn to forgive and forget_

'_Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it. _

_Today I'm gonna love my enemies_

_Reach out to somebody who needs me_

_Make a change, make the world a better place_

'_Cause tomorrow could be one day too late_

_One day too late, one day too late._

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><p>"Hmm… you know," Kalirosa looked up at Alistair as they crossed back to the central fire. The others were still in bed – and she could only hope that their exploits had gone unheard. "According to all the sisters at the monastery, I should have been struck by lightning by now."<p>

"That so?" Kalirosa replied, laughing aloud with him.

"Yep. Lightning first and then the end of civilization as we know it. I'm a bad, bad man." He reached out and tucked her hair behind her ear. "You do realize that rest of our little party is going to talk, right? They do that."

"Why? Are you going to tell them?"

"I won't have to. Morrigan will give me 'that look', I just know it. You should really kick her ass for me. I would pay to watch that fight." She giggled and hit him lightly on the shoulder – he could probably only barely feel it though his armor. "So… what now? Where do we go from here?"

_Our time is running out_

_You're never gonna get it back_

_So make the most of every moment_

_Stop saving your best for last_

"We stay together, no matter what."

"Right. I can handle that. I hope." He smiled and pulled her close again, wrapped his arms around her waist. "Before we go, have I told you that I love you? I did? Well, it won't kill you to hear it again, will it?"

"I love you too."

"See? Was that so hard?" He pulled her into his arms again and together, they walked back to the tent until morning.

_Today, I'm gonna try a little harder_

_Gonna make every minute last longer_

_Gonna learn to forgive and forget_

'_Cause we don't have long, gonna make the most of it. _

_Today I'm gonna love my enemies_

_Reach out to somebody who needs me_

_Make a change, make the world a better place_

'_Cause tomorrow could be one day too late_

_One day too late, one day too late._


	2. Anything But Alone

***A/N* **Welcome back! The second installment in the story is Cousland/Alistair as well. It's set the night before the battle against the Archdemon. I hope you enjoy it and if you do, share the love. I'm not digging this whole "0 reviews" thing. As usual, check out the link for the song, just remove the spaces.

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><p><strong>Anything But Alone: Hero<strong>

http:/ www. youtube. com /watch?v=YsoyKcpDUno

Back in her room, the force of the Riordan's words hit Kalirosa like a ton of bricks. There would really be a war tomorrow and everything would end – one way or another. Tomorrow would mark either the end of the Blight or the end of the Wardens. It was the moment that would define the future of Thedas and she was so scared that she trembled with fear. She wanted to run from the castle as fast as her feet would carry her, but she knew she couldn't do that.

_I'm just a step away_

_I'm just a breath away_

_Losing my faith today_

_Falling off the edge today_

Back in his room, try as he might to avoid it, Alistair's mind kept wandering to the Warden sacrifice. Riordan would take the final blow, but what if he couldn't? What if he died or wasn't there? Then what? Would he lose Kalirosa? In his mind, he retreated back to when he held her last – the feel of her skin and the fire in her eyes made him never want to let her go, but if it came down to it, who would take that blow? Would she let him be the one? More than anything, Alistair wanted a hero to save him from this nightmare.

_I am just a man_

_Not superhuman_

_I'm not superhuman_

_Someone save me from the hate_

With a sigh, Kalirosa dropped onto her bed. She couldn't sleep because every time she closed her eyes she saw him – his easy smile and laughing eyes. It was her parents all over again, and Kali was faced with losing her family again. Alistair was her family now –her fiancé and her everything. For honor they fought to save the world, but the only thing in the world that she wanted to save was him.

_It's just another war_

_Just another family torn_

_Falling from my faith today_

_Just a step from the edge_

_Just another day in the world we live_

"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice." Alistair whispered, his voice sounding weak even to his own ears. It had felt like such an honor to become a Grey Warden—to forsake the silence and duty of the Chantry. Now it felt like such a burden. All he wanted was Duncan and the others to be here, so he and Kali wouldn't be faced with the possibility of death tomorrow.

_I need a hero to save me now_

_I need a hero, to save me now_

_I need a hero to save my life_

_A hero will save me just in time_

Though it hurt too much to even consider it, Kalirosa rose from her bed and stood with determination. She was a Grey Warden, and no matter what, she would give her all to save Ferelden. She would fight to ensure that no other little girls lost their families – even if she was forced to lose hers again. This – this fight – this war and this victory was about so much more than just her family.

_I've gotta fight today_

_To live another day_

_Speaking my mind today_

_My voice will be heard today_

_I've gotta make a stand_

_But I am just a man_

_I'm not superhuman_

_My voice will be heard today_

Alistair had never had a real family before, but for the first time since Duncan's death, he realized that this was the best family he could ever have. His Kali and their love was all the love that a family would need and when they lived through this he would marry her and never let her go again as long as they lived. He loved her too much to lose her, but he also knew that he couldn't live in a world consumed by the blight. He was a king now – she was his queen – and together, they would prepare for oblivion – for the death of one or both. Rising from his bed, he bolted from the room, practically running to her.

_It's just another war_

_Just another family torn_

_My voice will be heard today_

_It's just another kill_

_The countdown begins to destroy ourselves_

No sooner had Kalirosa left her room when she saw him in the hallway running toward her. He had the same steely look in his eyes he'd had at the Landsmeet. They both knew what would happen tomorrow. They both wanted the same things – a chance at love and life and family. They wanted a hero.

_I need a hero to save me now_

_I need a hero, to save me now_

_I need a hero to save my life_

_A hero will save me just in time_

_I need a hero to save my life_

_I need a hero, just in time._

_Save me just in time_

_Save me just in time_

"I love you." Kalirosa whispered, her voice echoing in the massive corridor.

"I love you." His words sounded fevered and scared. "I'm not ready to leave you, Kali."

"I know. You're my family now since… since I lost them all. I'm not ready to die."

"Me either."

_Who's gonna fight for what's right?_

_Who's gonna help us survive? _

_We're in the fight of our lives_

_And we're not ready to die_

Alistair pulled his Kalirosa into his arms and the two embraced there in the royal quarters of the palace – holding each other like tomorrow would never come. And while both Wardens heard the words of the other, they both also knew that when the time came – the hero would be within each of them. Alistair knew that in the moment the archdemon needed to die, he would give his life for his queen and Kalirosa knew that she would be the hero that Ferelden needed and save not only the kingdom but also its king.

_Who's gonna fight for the weak_

_Who's gonna make 'em believe?_

_I've got a hero, I've got hero_

_Living in me_

_I'm gonna fight for what's right_

_Today I'm speaking my mind_

_And if it kills me tonight_

_I will be ready to die_

Ferelden needed a hero and it had found it.

_A hero's not afraid to give his life_

_A hero's gonna save me just in time_

_I need a hero to save me now_

_I need a hero, save me now_

_I need a hero to save me life_

_A hero will save me just in time_

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><p><strong><em>Share the love. That's all I ask. ;)<em>**


	3. One Last Night

***A/N* **So, you guys know the drill by now. For the song, just paste the link and remove the spaces. This one is a direct continuation from chapter 2. So, I hope you all like it! Shoutout to my first (and only reviewer) _magicka. _Also, if anyone has been wondering - the story is tagged as Anders/Hawke because their portion of the story is much larger, but does come second. There will be 3 more Alistair/Cousland and then 10 Anders/Hawke and 2 with all four of them. Enjoy! Spread the Love!

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><p><strong>One Last Night: Don't Wake Me<strong>

**www. youtube. com/watch?v=x0PMrV7derw**

Out in the hall, Alistair pulled his Kali into his arms and kissed her. The battle and the chaos ahead all seemed meaningless compared to her and the urgency of their love. He held her by the waist, drawing her nearer to him.

"Stay with me tonight." He whispered between kisses. She was looking up at him through her eyelashes, her eyes glassy as if she might cry. "Don't leave me tonight. I can't ever be without you again, Kali."

"In the palace, Alistair?" She replied. He could see her timid smile as he swept her up into his arms and held her bridal style.

"Why not? It's my palace now." He said, descending to kiss her again. She had never looked so delicate and beautiful as she did now – armor shed and held in his arms in her street clothes with her long brown hair cascading down her back. She was the picture of his queen, delicate but deadly – his lover and his best friend. Back in his quarters, Alistair set her down on his bed. Her hair was fanned out behind her and she was smiling up at him like an angel.

"What is it, Ali?"

"You're perfect." He whispered, leaning down over her and touching his lips to her forehead. "I can't imagine my life without you."

"Then come hold me, Alistair. That's all I want tonight."

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><p>Sometime before dawn, Alistair awoke, trembling. Beside him, Kalirosa was still asleep, her chest rising and falling in a slow cadence beneath the sheets. Lying there, in the cool darkness of the royal palace, Alistair wanted to sleep again, but he couldn't bear the idea of closing his eyes and not seeing her. Things would never be the same if he wasn't lying beside her for the rest of his life.<p>

_I went to bed I was thinking about you_

_It ain't the same since I'm living without you_

_All the memories are getting colder_

_All the things that I wanna do over_

What would he do if he could go back and change everything? He used to think that he would be on the battlefield with Duncan, but now he knew that was not true. If he were to go back in time, he would have held her more – laughed with her more – he would have spent less time dreaming of her and more time lying with her like this. He looked down at her as she smiled a little in her sleep – she was beautiful and perfect and priceless and he would always love her – no matter what happened tomorrow.

_I went to bed I was thinking about you_

_I wanna talk and laugh like we used to_

_When I see you in my dreams at night_

_It's so real but it's in my mind_

_And now I guess this is as good as it gets_

Lying there watching her sleep was like a dream – a dream Alistair never wanted to wake from and though he could see the first rays of dawn appearing on the horizon, he told himself over and over again that it was just the moon and that there were hours of night left before the battle.

_Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream_

_Don't wake me 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough_

_When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up_

As the light grew brighter outside his window, Alistair remembered the first time they had lain together at camp. He had made a fool of himself when he asked her, but it had paid off. It had won him the hand and the heart of a beautiful girl who loved him as much as he loved her. All this time, Alistair had thought he was fighting to create a world that he and his love could live in but now – now it was all different.

_I went to bed I was thinking about you_

_And how it felt when I finally found you_

_It's like a movie playing over in my head_

_Don't wanna look 'cause I know how it ends_

He pulled her closer to him and she sighed in her sleep. In his arms she was safe and that was where she would stay. If he held her tight enough, things like darkspawn and wars would never come. She was safe and nothing bad would ever happen in this beautiful dream where he was holding her forever. In this moment – late at night like this—it was as if things like blights never happened. In this dream, they weren't the fabled Grey Warden – destined to save the world – they were an ordinary couple in love.

_All the words that I said that I wouldn't say_

_All the promises I made that I wouldn't break_

_It's last call, last song, last dance 'cause_

_I can't get you back, can't get a second chance_

_And now I guess this is as good as it gets_

"Why?" His voice was hoarse; he could hear it in his whisper. He felt the lump rising in his throat as he watched her – forced to imagine a world without her in it. What if, tomorrow, they found out that this would be the last night they had together? He felt the hot tears on his cheeks, but he let them fall softly onto his pillow. "Why us?" He could hardly see for his tears, but he knew that the light was intruding further into their nighttime retreat and he could hear voices outside their room. The other residents of the castle were finally stirring and Alistair closed his eyes, unable to let himself wake from this dream.

_Don't wake me we're together just you and me_

_Don't wake me 'cause we're happy like used to be_

_I know I've gotta let you go, but I don't wanna be alone_

"Alistair?" He felt her turning in his arms and raised his head from the pillow to look at her. He expected her to ask what was going on, but instead she put her arms over his and kissed him lightly on the forehead and the cheek and the lips.

"I can't let you go, Kali." He said, kissing her again as he pulled her closer to him.

"I know."

"I want it to be like this forever, just you and me."

"So do I,but…"

"I know. Ferelden awaits its heroes." He said. She looked just as crestfallen and heartbroken as he felt. "I'll hold you tomorrow. I swear it."

_These dreams of you keep on growing stronger_

_It ain't a lot but it's all I have_

_Nothing to do but keep sleeping longer_

_Don't wanna stop 'cause I want you back_

"I hope so. I really do, Ali."

"Just in case…" He said, resting his forehead against hers. "I'll love you forever."

"I love you too. More than anything."

_Don't wake me 'cause I don't wanna leave this dream_

_Don't wake my 'cause I never seem to stay asleep enough_

_When it's you I'm dreaming of I don't wanna wake up_

_Don't wake me we're together just you and me_

_Don't wake me 'cause we're happy like we used to be_

_I know I've gotta let you go but I don't wanna be alone_


	4. The Best King I Can Be

***A/N* **So, I've been on a bit of a hiatus while I've been moving to Chicago. I'm here now though, but I don't have internet at my new apartment, so expect my updates to be a little erratic. That said, this chapter is one of the three possible ending to Dragon Age: Origins. That being said, please know that I am posting other versions of the ending as well, so this is definitely not the end of Alistair and Kalirosa's story. The third alternate ending is the "true" one for the purposes of this story. Also, after the third ending, we'll be shifting to stories about Anders and Hawke for a while, so I hope you all enjoy! Remember to share the love! 3

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><p><strong>The Best King I Can Be: Awake and Alive<strong>

Emerging onto the rooftop of Fort Drakon, Kalirosa Cousland felt as though she'd had the wind knocked out of her at the sight of the massive archdemon. In that moment, all the things she'd sworn the night before felt like nothing more than the foolish promises of a child. The archdemon towered before them, throwing the men of Denerim across the rooftop as though they were ragdolls. Her faith faltered and she wanted nothing more than to take the hands of her lover and flee – to the Free Marches or Antiva or Orlais.

_I'm at war with the world_

_And they try to pull me into the dark_

_I struggle to find my faith _

_As I'm slipping from your arms_

Kalirosa looked to either side of her – at her companions, ready for the battle and swallowed the lump in her throat. Her companions would die if she fled, and Alistair would never run with her. He was too noble. He was a King prepared to fight alongside his Queen. As she thought of the life that she and Alistair were losing, she doubted her decision to send Morrigan away, but shook it aside – finally prepared to give her life for Ferelden.

_It's getting harder to stay awake_

_And my strength is fading fast_

_You breathe into me at last_

"Wynne. I want you to stay as far away from the archdemon as possible. Engage it from a distance, but focus your efforts on healing the three of us. Alistair, I want you on the ground, lead the troops and engage the archdemon – I know you can take it. Zev," She saw him smile at the use of his diminutive. "You're gonna be the runner. Your main job is to serve as mine and Wynne's main guard, but assist Alistair when he needs it. Got it?" Her three friends nodded. "I'll be at the ballistas." She paused for just a moment. It was less than five seconds but felt like the culmination of all the years they'd spent together. "I love you all. It's been an honor." And with those parting words the four friends and companions charged into battle, and Kalirosa watched her lover and fiancé, sword and shield in hand, charge the tainted god – his body aglow with templar magic.

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><p><em>I'm awake, I'm alive<em>

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_(Here, right now)_

_Right here, right now_

_Stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake, and I'm alive_

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><p>Alistair had never felt more alive and more dead at the same time. He'd been hit so hard so many times that he should have been dead – but Wynne had been vigilant, never letting any of them become too seriously injured. Kalirosa was like a demon on the ballistas – as ruthless with the arrows as she was deadly with her blades when the darkspawn swarmed her. Now that the archdemon had retreated to a collapsed portion of the roof, Alistair busied himself with destroying wave after wave of darkspawn as they emerged – refusing to die until he'd sacrificed himself to kill the archdemon.<p>

_I'm at war with the world_

'_Cause I ain't never gonna sell my soul_

_I've already made up my mind_

_No matter what, I can't be bought or sold_

A dozen or so rogue darkspawn uncloaked around him, and Alistair panicked, swinging his blade at them in turn, but she appeared at his side – her blades whirring around him so quickly that he could hardly see them.

"Kali!"

"I got your back." She shouted, felling the last of the rogues with a whirlwind attack. "Back to the ballistas. Watch the archdemon, she looks kind of angry – it's probably because of the arrows." He tried to speak, but instead found himself speaking to the air as she cloaked herself and ran for the ballistas. To make jokes at a time like this – it was everything that made her the perfect friend and lover and the perfect Queen for Ferelden. She would be a beautiful and perfect ruler once he was gone – he'd ensured that the Ferelden would remain in her hands – not Anora's.

_When my faith is getting weak_

_And I feel like giving in_

_You breathe into me again_

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><p>The darkspawn kept coming and coming even after the archdemon had reappeared beside them. The men of Denerim had all died in battle and the dwarf numbers were dwindling by the second. He'd been healed more times than he could count and it felt like they had been in battle for decades. He glanced toward Kalirosa every few seconds, checking on her to make sure there weren't too many darkspawn around her. She'd lost two of the ballistas and he saw her pull her horn and summon the mages to the battle.<p>

"Give me a twenty-five foot perimeter!" He shouted to the twelve assembled mages. "I've got the keep the emissaries off me!" He held up his sword to illustrate his point – it was glowing faintly blue with his templar powers, and the last thing he wanted was for the mages to be rendered useless.

"The King was a templar recruit!" He heard the senior enchanter yell. "Keep your distance and attack the archdemon with targeted spells only – we've got too many men on the ground for area-of-effect spells! We've all got to play our best cards and that's what King Alistair is doing!" Alistair breathed a sigh of relief when he heard the Senior Enchanter's encouragement. He never wanted the circle to think that he was against them. It front of him, the archdemon was howling in agony as Kalirosa hit with blow after blow from the nearest ballista. The darkspawn were mostly managed now – the mages handed the majority of them, but Alistair dealt with the darkspawn magic casters.

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><p>The archdemon was weakening. With every prolonged howl, its ferocity grew and Alistair's heart grew heavy. It was approaching – the moment of his death and he could hardly breathe from the lump in his throat. More and more, he found himself being rescued from a genlock by a well-placed fire or ice spell as he stared back at Kalirosa. He wanted to memorize every part of her – the way she moved, the ferocity of her determination. She thought she would be dying today, but she was wrong. His hands trembled as he sunk his sword over and over again into darkspawn. His templar talents started to wane as his body weakened from exhaustion and worry and sadness. Despite the orders of his warden commander, Alistair withdrew from direct combat with the archdemon and ran to her side – cutting down darkspawn as he ran. She stood beside the last remaining ballista and he stood back to back with her, fighting the darkspawn hordes as she fired the ballista over and over again with speed that only a rogue could have.<p>

_I'm awake, I'm alive_

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

In her presence he felt his stamina returning and he called upon his templar talents again, neutralizing the emissaries that had encroached upon their perch. He remembered last night, when he'd watched her sleep. He'd memorized everything about her in those hours. He'd mourned for her and cried his tears and held her until all the bad things in the world were gone – if only for a while. They'd both known that it would come to this someday. He heard Kalirosa gasp and realized that the archdemon hadn't gotten up. At first he thought it was dead – but she was still alive, and he knew that it wasn't so. She stepped forward to go to it, but Alistair stood in front of her.

_(Here, right now)_

_Right here, right now_

_Stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake, and I'm alive_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up in the dark_

"Wait. Let me." He said, moving to stand in front of her. He knew she'd protest, but he refused to let her pass. "There's no need for you to die. This is my duty. I should be the one to kill it."

"This is my duty as much as yours. We're both Grey Wardens." He could tell that they were both playing the same game – trying to claim something like superiority to get their way, but Alistair refused to back down.

"But I got one up on you. I'm not just a Grey Warden, I'm the king, and I want to be a good king. And this right here is the best king I could be, my first and last act being to stop the Blight before it really starts. No one could blame me for that, could they?" His resolve nearly broke when Kalirosa took a step closer to him.

"That's not the only reason and you know it." He stepped closer and twirled his fingers in her bangs. "You're right. I know how I feel about you. I won't let you die, not when I can do something about it."

"No. I won't let you die either, Alistair." He sighed – watching the desperate sadness in his lover's eyes as she pleaded with him to change his mind. He couldn't live without her in his life—It had to be him.

"You say that as if I'm giving you a choice." He could resist it no longer, and leaned forward pulling her into one last, desperate kiss.

_I can feel you in my sleep_

_In your arms, I feel you breathe into me_

_Forever hold this heart that I will give to you_

_Forever I will live for you_

* * *

><p>Kalirosa felt the tears stinging in her eyes as Alistair pulled her into his arms and kissed her. She wanted to pull him away – to hide him away so she would never have to live in a world without him. He was too good – too noble to not sacrifice himself. She should have known. When he broke away from her and ran toward the archdemon, Kalirosa lunged for him, but felt Zevran's firm grip on her arms, holding her back. In that moment, there was nothing. There were no encroaching darkspawn – no injured soldiers – nothing but the blinding light emanating from the blade plunged in the head of the archdemon. The light that engulfed her lover and king until it was if she were watching him meet the Maker. When the explosion rocked the tower, she was thrown back – landing on her back. She shot to her feet, rushing to the place where he'd fallen, but the only things that remained were a warden's sword and Duncan's shield. She took them in her hands, and knelt – crying there where he'd died as the darkspawn fled.<p>

_I'm awake, I'm alive_

_Now I know what I believe inside_

_Now it's my time_

_I'll do what I want 'cause this is my life_

_(Here, right now)_

_Right here, right now_

_Stand my ground and never back down_

_I know what I believe inside_

_I'm awake, and I'm alive_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up_

_Waking up, waking up_

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked it! The second alternate ending should be posted in a few days and if you're a reader of any of my other stories, then look for updates for those in the next couple weeks. Sorry, I've been taking so long. <strong>


	5. The Ultimate Sacrifice

***A/N* **So, welcome back to the second alternate ending to Dragon Age: Origins. As I mentioned before, for the purposes of this story, the third ending is the one that is real, but I wanted to right the alternate endings... As usual - make sure and spread the love - I really like reviews and chapter 6 will be the first Anders/Hawke chapter, but we will return to Alistair/Warden. So, without further ado...

* * *

><p><strong>The Ultimate Sacrifice<strong>

Alistair spun on the spot, watching as Kalirosa Cousland tore her blades through the last of the darkspawn at the gates of Denerim. The battle was only just beginning and he pulled his water container from his belt and took a long swig – trying to keep his strength up. His shoulder was sore from a solid hit to his shield from the towering ogre they'd just defeated. He would have to ask Wynne to look at it before they journeyed further into the city. He heard Riordan announcing that Kalirosa needed to pick two of her companions to come with them and crossed to stand by her side, but she looked at him and shook her head softly.

"You're not coming, Alistair." He stared at her, completely awestruck. He was being left out of the battle again and this time, he was expected to let his Queen go into battle for him. "I'm bringing Zevran, Wynne and Oghren into battle." Alistair continued staring at her, irked that she wouldn't meet his gaze. He was being left out of the battle because of his status again.

"And who will you have lead the men here at the gates?" Riordan asked

"Their king will lead them. I would trust none other than Alistair." She added, but she still wouldn't look at him. Alistair watched as those going with began preparing themselves for the battle of a lifetime. One by one, he watched as her friends approached her, offering their encouragement and their goodbyes. Even her warhound, Warder, was there offering her a bark and whine. Finally, Alistair approached his love and sighed deeply.

"So, I'm not going with you I see. Any particular reason?" She finally looked up at him, her eyes filled with a kind of melancholy Alistair had never seen there before.

"You're going to be king. You belong out here with your men." She replied, her voice was small and he knew she was lying to him – trying to protect him from the truth that they both knew.

"Where I belong is out there – with you as a Grey Warden." He paused and took another step closer to her. "But there's no use arguing about it, is there? We don't have time and…." He couldn't help but smile as he brushed her hair out of her face, dropping the pretense of anger. "You are a stubborn, stubborn woman." He watched as she smiled a little before growing somber again.

"You would done something foolish." She said, her hands now resting on his shoulders as she looked up at him, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Maybe." He said, his hands moving to her waist to where he'd held her countless times before. "I guess we'll never know, will we? I guess this is the last chance we'll get before this is finished – one way or another." Even as he spoke, he could hear his own voice cracking. He kept thinking back to the previous night when he'd held and loved her so desperately. He'd vowed to give his life for his Queen, but now she wasn't letting him. He swallowed the rising lump in his throat before he spoke again. "Be careful in there."

"You and I both know how this ends." Kalirosa replied, not allowing him his false words of comfort. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg her to stay, but he couldn't. He had always known that someday it might come to this.

"You're right." He replied, pulling her closer into his embrace. "I guess we do." He could feel the tears searing their way down from his eyes. His soldiers weren't far away, but Alistair didn't care if they saw him crying as he said goodbye to her – they had all had the same moment before leaving their loved ones. "I won't forget you." He said, knowing his words were barely distinguishable through his broken voice. She was all tears too as she stared into his eyes. "Ever." He looked away to break eye contact before it destroyed him, but quickly returned his gaze, still holding her close to him. "And I'll make sure they don't forget you either. I swear it." He could resist no longer and he bent down to pull her into a searing kiss. If it were up to him, he knew he'd never let her go.

* * *

><p>The moment that the flash of blue light had illuminated the battlefield, Alistair had known. He had tried to convince himself that it had been Riordan who'd killed the archdemon, but he had known it was her. It was as if a piece of his soul had been shattered – he'd felt her leave this world, and it was like an explosion within his very soul.<p>

Now, after the battle, he stood before her lifeless body, in the regalia of a king, without a queen to stand beside him. The rule of Ferelden was a burden he would bear alone – without his sweet Kalirosa beside him. His heart broke all over again as he remembered the night he'd thought about his regrets. He had a new regret now. He should have been there with her.

"My friends, we are gathered here to pay our respects to the Grey Warden that saved us all. She gave her life to destroy the blight – a sacrifice we must never forget. It was no accident that she was there either. She was special, and each of us had our life touched by her in some way. I—" Despite his best efforts, Alistair had to pause as his voice broke. Looking down at her he was reminded that the life was gone from her. He missed her too much to comprehend. Tears pooled in his eyes and he felt the lump rising in his throat as he spoke again. "I thought we would be together forever." He gave himself a moment to look at her again before returning his gaze to the gathered mourners and continuing his eulogy. At the end, he looked down at her again, the tears finally making their way down his face to land on the marble slab beside her.

_Hey Lucy, I remember your name_

_I left a dozen roses on your grave today_

_I'm in the grass on my knees, wipe the leaves away_

_I just came to talk for a while, got some things I need to say_

"You will be missed." He said quietly to her alone. He reached out and took her hand. "More than I can possibly say."

* * *

><p>Alone in his room that night Alistair stared at the ceiling, tears gathering on his pillow as he cried. Beneath the chantry his Kalirosa's body laid as she slept and cried, but she could find comfort at the Maker's side – he could not find comfort in anything in a world in which she was absent. He wanted to go to sleep and wake up with her in his arms again – he would have given anything to hold her again and see her beautiful eyes – alive with the kindness and mischief he'd always seen there.<p>

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her_

_I'd give up all the world to see_

_That little piece of Heaven looking back at me_

They'd all been to see him: Arl Eamon, Wynne and even Oghren and Zevran but he'd turned them all away. The only company he kept was Warder – her sweet little dog who seemed as torn apart as he was about her death. The dog rarely left Alistair's side and he knew that in its grief it had imprinted to the person who'd been the closest to its master. Warder lay beside him now, whimpering softly in his sleep. Alistair envied his sleep – he was sure he'd never sleep again.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her_

_I've gotta live with the choices I made_

_And I can't live with myself today_

He remembered the last time they'd seen one another at the gates. He'd said goodbye – had known what was coming. He wished he'd insisted on going with her – demanding that she obey her king and allow him to sacrifice himself for Ferelden. She would have laughed at such a demand, but he should have made it anyway. As he drew his arm over his face, blocking out the candle light, he resigned himself to the knowledge that it was too late now and there was nothing left for him to do.

_Hey Lucy, I remembered your birthday_

_They said it'd bring some closure to say your name_

_I know I'd do it all different if I had the chance_

_But all I got are these roses to give_

_And they can't make me make amends_

When Alistair finally drifted to sleep hours and hours later his dreams were filled with her – consumed with the memory of her free spirit and easy laugh. He held her all night there in the place where she was. He knew it was all an illusion – nothing but the tricks of a broken heart and a desperate mind, but he clung to it like it was all he'd ever have.

_Here we are, now you're in my arms_

_I never wanted anything so bad_

_Here we are for a brand new start_

_Living the life that we could've had_

At dawn he woke from his euphoric dreams, but it was with a new knowledge. She was with the Maker and Andraste and they had sent him an evenings' worth of comfort. They had reminded him that there would be a time would he and his Queen would be together forever – a time when they would never have to say goodbye again. Five years with the Taint meant that Alistair had a little over twenty left to make a difference in the world before he was allowed to hold her again.

_Me and Lucy walking hand in hand_

_Me and Lucy never wanna end_

_Just another moment in your eyes_

_I'll see you in another life in Heaven_

_Where we never say goodbye_

No matter how hard it was to learn to live with himself and the things he'd done, he knew he would do it. For her. For them. For the Wardens and Ferelden and all the other couples like them who would give anything for one another – even the ultimate sacrifice.

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her_

_I'd give up all the world to see _

_That little piece of Heaven looking back at me_

_Now that it's over, I just wanna hold her  
>I've gotta live with the choices I made<br>And I can't live with myself today_

_Here we are, now you're in my arms_  
><em>Here we are for a brand new start<em>  
><em>I've gotta live with the choices I've made<em>  
><em>And I can't live with myself today<em>

_Me and Lucy walking hand in hand_  
><em>Me and Lucy never wanna end<em>  
><em>I've got to live with the choices I've made<em>  
><em>And I can't live with myself today<em>

_Hey Lucy, I remember your name_


	6. Different Paths

***A/N* **So, I've had my fun. This is the real ending to this portion of Alistair and Kalirosa's story. See, I do believe in happy endings! the next story will start Anders and Hawke's story, but we will return to Alistair and Kalirosa lately. I hope you are all enjoying the story and please remember to share the love. I'm actually planning 2 more Dragonage stories and I hope that I will have an audience!

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><p><strong>Different Paths: Those Nights<strong>

**http:/ www. youtube. com /watch?v=OuheuIDqo6c**

Kalirosa Theirin sat on the edge of her bed and stared down at the ring on her left hand. One would have expected the Queen on Ferelden to have a lavish and beautiful ring, but hers was a small, amber-colored stone. It looked as though it had been worn down over the years like a worry token and it was old – very old. Kalirosa loved the ring because Alistair had given it to her. It had been his for as long as he could remember and he had attributed his survival to it for many years, but he had given it to her as a wedding ring.

Now, Kalirosa pined for her husband. Two weeks apart felt more like twenty years to the new Queen. She was at Vigil's Keep – reorganizing the Wardens as their new Warden-Commander and her king was settling affairs in the Bannorn – both were maintaining their reputations as fighters as they attempted to stabilize their kingdom.

At times like this, however, Kalirosa's reputation and the Wardens meant much less to her than her family. She remembered when they were preparing for the war to end the Blight. At camp, her and her friends had been a family – gathered around the fire for meals and to tell stories and relive their adventures. Morrigan had always been suspiciously absent, but Alistair had always been there laughing with her until one of them spit up their ale. There had always been time for laughing – even with the demons at their door.

_I remember when_

_We used to laugh_

_About nothing at all_

_It was better than going mad_

_From trying to solve all the problems we're going through_

_Forget 'em all_

_Cause on those night we would stand and never fall_

_Together we faced it all_

_Remember when we'd_

There had always been some task ahead – some demon to slay or some darkspawn to kill, but laughing around the campfire with Alistair, Zevran, Leliana, Wynne and Oghren had made her forget all the bad things. Those nights weren't about planning or strategizing – they were about remembering that they were alive and that they had each other – no matter what.

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night_

_In a dark room lit by the TV light_

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_

_Didn't want to go home to another fight_

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_Those nights kept me alive_

Laying back on her bed, Kalirosa spun the ring around her finger in little circles as she stared up at the canopy above her. The Keep was beautiful – but her nights were empty without her Alistair. He had been so sweet and shy from the first. He'd given her a rose once, which would have been a lovely enough gesture without his story about how she was like the rose – a beautiful jewel amongst all the bad things in the world. And when they laid together, it was as if there was nothing else in the world but them. He'd been her everything and he'd drawn her in with every kiss and touch and gasp until she'd known that she'd be ruined without him. She'd known she'd loved him then.

_I remember when_

_We used to drive_

_Anywhere but here_

_As long as we'd forget our lives_

_We were so young and confused that we didn't know _

Now, she missed him. She missed his touch and his kisses and his jokes. She missed the way he always made her laugh. Anders was always fun to be around, but it wasn't the same as having Alistair around because no one was like Alistair. There was no sense of camaraderie that she'd felt amongst her friends – she felt as though she hardly knew the Wardens and they didn't sit around and tell stories like she and the others had.

_To laugh or cry_

_Those night were hours_

_They will live and never die_

_Together we'd stand forever_

_Remember when we'd_

Kalirosa closed her eyes, willing herself to sleep – to dream of a time when death was at her door – a time when she'd found her family again.

…

Alistair sat on a log in the middle of the night staring around the dark forests of the Bannorn. With one hand, he held the pummel of his sword where it leaned against the log beside him and with the other he absentmindedly toyed with the pendants that hung from a thin silver chain about his neck – three charms that represented the three most important things to him. The first charm was a locket with the image of Andraste upon it – a gift from his late mother that had been repaired by his uncle, the Arl of Redcliff. The second was his Wardens' Oath – given to him by Duncan after his Joining because king or not, Alistair knew he'd always be a Grey Warden first. The third charm was a second Wardens' Oath – this one a gift from Kalirosa – a piece of jewelry that was precious to her and so a befitting piece to exchange. Alistair and his Queen had decided to forego the usual exchanging of rings in favor of a less traditional route; they had exchanged meaningful emblems. He'd given her his runic token and she'd given him her Wardens' Oath and he cherished the constant reminder of her – especially now when duty forced them apart.

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night_

_In a dark room lit by the TV light_

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_Those nights kept me alive_

The clearing he sat in had once been a camp for a two Grey Wardens and their eclectic entourage. He could still see the two firepits and the places where they'd set up tents. Alistair smiled as he remembered that this had been where they'd first lain together – just north of Redcliff as they'd made their way to the town of Hatch. He'd been consumed by thoughts of her and completely unable to resist her any longer. Templar or not, he was still a man. She was so far away now and he couldn't wait to see her beautiful face again.

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_

_Didn't want to go home to another fight_

_Through all the hard times in my life_

_Those nights kept me alive_

He'd almost lost her once – it was a memory that haunted him to this day. He'd done what he'd done with Morrigan to save Kalirosa's life and even though it had been – uncomfortable to say the least, he'd never regretted it. Her eyes and her smile gave him hope in a world where nothing felt certain or true or right. She was a rose amongst the darkness and he would never stop loving her. Inside he'd always known that theirs was a romance that would end in disaster, but Alistair didn't care – he'd never really cared.

_Those nights belong to us_

_There's nothing wrong with us_

He missed her. He missed his wife and lover. He missed her touch and her voice. He knew they'd be together soon – even if he had to drag her back to Court. He smiled as he imagined her response to that – she didn't like the gentle life of a royal and more than he did and he couldn't blame her for wanting to continue saving the world from darkspawn.

With a great sigh, Alistair stood and slid his sword back into its sheath as he turned and wandered back to the camp. His soldiers were there and they would panic soon if the king wasn't there when they woke. Damn banns had to be put in their place so Alistair could go home to his Kali – they had to produce an heir after all – there was work to be done.

_I remember when_

_We used to laugh_

_And now I wish those night would last_


	7. Rightfully Unrequited Love

***A/N* ** This is the first of the Anders/Hawke stories. So... Cassyndra Hawke is a rogue, just in case I don't make that obvious. Please review and let me know if you're liking the stories. Thanks! As usual, to listen to the song, just remove the spaces in the link.

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><p><strong>Dead Inside: Rightfully Unrequited Love<strong>

**http:/ www. youtube. com / watch?v=UBQYrkIEqrw**

Alone in his room in the back of the clinic, Anders starred up at the stone ceiling. The Undercity was really a catacomb of tunnels and the rooms were caves –it was the fate of the poor and the refugees from Ferelden. Tonight, however, as he lay awake for hours, he was not thinking about his patients or even the plight of the Kirkwall mages – tonight he thought of her. Late at night his thoughts were always consumed with her, the beautiful and deadly Fereldan who was making a difference in a broken city. His thoughts were consumed with the woman who he wanted more than anything.

_To find this love of mine_

_I'd walk through wind and fire_

_Forever and always_

Cassyndra Hawke was completely perfect and priceless. If he closed his eyes he could imagine her dark curtain of hair and light skin. The tattoos over her eyes only added to the dark and mysterious part of her nature and Anders loved it. In his mind, he imagined a simpler world where he was holding her close to him, kissing her, making love to her – but it was just a dream.

_Hollow hands reach out_

_For you to touch me now_

_Forever and always_

For the thousandth time that night, Anders tried to shake her from his thoughts. There was no simpler world and he knew that things like love and family were beyond him now. Justice would always be an uncompromising part of him and that would never change now. He shuddered at how empty and dead he felt inside since he and Justice had come together. Being around Hawke brought out something in Anders that he had hardly felt in years – he felt alive again. In her presence, he was acutely aware of his heartbeat – of the feeling of the blood in his veins.

_Dead inside_

_My heart and soul flatlines_

_Put your mouth on mine_

_And bring me back to life_

_Dead inside_

_No other satisfies_

_My blood runs dry_

_Take my life_

_Save me from this death inside_

What would he give to hold her – just once? He shuddered at the thought of what his love would do to her. She was not a mage – she was not an apostate or an abomination like him. He couldn't let her be in that kind of danger. He'd meant it when he'd said that to save her, he would drown them all in blood. It would defy everything he believed in and Justice would have a tantrum, but Anders knew he would do it for her – not that he thought he'd ever need to. She fought like an archdemon and his mana rarely ran out, but that was not the point. He loved her desperately – but he knew his love had to remain unrequited. She didn't seem to want him to stay away though. She flirted with him rather unabashedly and he found himself returning in kind – calling her Love and Sweetheart like he was entitled to believe that he could be with her.

_I can't escape this love_

_I want it the way it was_

_Forever and always_

_Don't you leave me here_

_Alone in all this fear_

_Forever and always_

What had he been like before Justice? Could he even remember? He'd asked the Warden Commander and Queen, Kalirosa Theirin, once right after he'd left the Wardens. He'd stayed at the palace with her and Alistair for a few weeks but by then he'd been with Justice for nearly two years – Vengeance had already become a part of them. She tried to tell him he wasn't that different, but he knew better. He used to be carefree and funny and flirty. That was what he missed most – making people laugh and appreciating beautiful women – having beautiful women. Justice thought them all nothing more than distractions.

_I can't escape this love_

_I want it the way it was_

_You remind me of a time_

_When I felt alive_

Now, Justice and Vengeance had a firmer hold than he did much of the time. Vengeance whispered to him and Justice like a demon in the Fade, convincing them of things that both knew weren't true but were powerless to resist. It was like watching his own life through a distorted window. Nothing ever looked the same to the three people in Anders and they would never agree. There was only one person in the whole world who gave him hope – Hawke was like the one shining light in his life and he couldn't let her go. It was startling and beautiful and simple how much light she brought into a room just by entering it. Maybe she would be the one to save him from himself and bring him back to life.

_Dead inside_

_My heart and soul flatline_

_Put your mouth on mine_

_And bring me back to life_

He was stuck in this love – he knew he would cling to her for the rest of his life even if his love remained… rightfully unrequited. He would never pull her into his personal chaos, but he would never let her go either.

Anders sat up in his bed and began pacing the little room, pushing back Vengeance and his reminders of mages and Templars as he thought of her. Her presence – even thoughts of her were enough to silence Vengeance because, quite simply, there was no fault that the spirit could find in her. She reminded Anders of a simpler time when escaping from the Circle was less a survival and more of a game. He remembered a time when he could sweep women off their feet and leave a bar in stitches. He felt so much like himself when she was there – like there was so much hope to be normal again, but it was temporary and when she left he was left alone with the spirits again and the revenge and the plotting. There was no end to it.

_Dead inside_

_No other satisfies_

_My blood runs dry_

_Take my life_

_Save me from this death inside_

Maybe this was all he'd ever be now. He would spend the remainder of his life a tireless renegade –fighting for a life he'd never have and clinging to a fantasy when living became too much for him to bear. Eventually, he'd die a martyr to inspire the mages to seek their freedom. Justice would have it no other way.

_My blood runs dry_

_Take my life_

_Save me from this death inside_


	8. The Demon Vengeance

***A/N* **Okay, so, Anders story number 2! In case you didn't see it coming, this story is based on Skillet's song, Monster. I'm also working on another story on dragon age 2 (Working Title: Blood Betrayal) but, I've gotta say - my response from this story isn't too encouraging! Please read and review! Spread the Love!

* * *

><p><strong>The Demon Vengeance: Monster<strong>

**http:/ /www. youtube. com/ watch ?v=z06LXZQwkrc**

Anders knew that he shouldn't have come here. Yes, the 'tranquil solution' had to be stopped, but he should have sent Hawke and stayed in his clinic where he wouldn't have to see the abuses of the templars first hand. Watching that bastard threaten the young mage was too much and he knew it would tear him apart – turn him into something uncontrollable.

_The secret side of me, I never let you see_

_I keep it caged but I can't control it_

_So stay away from me, the beast is ugly_

_I feel the rage and I just can't hold it._

The rage inside Anders was like a fire – consuming him until all that was left was Justice. How dare the templars treat a mage like that! What gave them the right to threaten and manipulate young apprentices? What would they have done to her if he and Hawke hadn't arrived? He felt his skin cracking with lyrium as he thought of it – the templars had to die right now.

_It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls_

_It comes awake and I can't control it_

_Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head_

_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end_

He could feel himself slipping away from the battlefield – his will beginning to drift in the Fade as Vengeance took over. He knew no mercy and as hard as Anders tried to restrain the Fade spirit, he still felt his healing magic waning as Vengeance took over, setting the templars ablaze with his magic – with Anders' magic. Anders slipped and slipped until he was nothing more than a passenger in his own body, watching the destruction being unleashed around him and he begged for it to stop.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_

_I must confess that I fell like a monster_

"They will die! I will have every last templar for these abuses!" Anders heard Justice's voice over his own. He knew that they were all dead, but he couldn't reign in Justice – the spirit was hungry for retribution and he would not be stopped.

_I, I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster_

"It's over, Anders. They're all dead." He could hear Hawke over the rage inside him, but he couldn't stop the rage.

"Every one of them will feel Justice's burn."

"Get away from me, Demon!" The mage was scared – Anders knew she was strong – to fight openly against one as strong as Justice, but Vengeance didn't care. The Fade spirit did not like being called a demon despite that being the best description of what he had become.

"I am no demon! Are you one of them, that you would call me such?" Inside, Anders was screaming. He was fighting to pull Justice away. There was blood – so much blood and he couldn't see anything past the destruction that surrounded him.

_My secret side I keep hid under lock and key_

_I keep it caged but I can't control it_

'_Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down_

_Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end_

"Anders, that girl is a mage." Anders could hear Hawke's calm voice trying to reason with the spirit – with him. "We rescued her from being made Tranquil."

"She is theirs! I can feel their hold on her!" Though his words were Justice's, inside Anders was pleading for the spirit to stop – to spare the girl.

"She's the reason you're fighting, Anders. Don't turn on her now!"

"Please, messere."

Finally, something snapped in Anders and his screaming grew louder as Justice raised his hands to kill the mage. He could feel it – the control just within his grasp and he pulled and pushed until he felt his hands lower and come back within his control. As he fell to his knees, he saw the young mage run from the tunnels into Darktown as Hawke approached him.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster_

_I , I feel like a monster_

"Maker, no. I almost… If you weren't here…" Hawke shouldn't have been approaching him. She should have been running with the girl, but she reached out and helped him up instead. He shook his head, pulling his hand away from her – too ashamed of his actions to allow himself the pleasure of her touch. "I-I need to get out of here."

He ran to his clinic – it was the only place in all of Kirkwall that was his and it was the only place he could go. Their joining had been a mistake – he'd been too angry – he'd killed his best friend and now together they were killing others. How many innocent lives would be lost before there was peace? What if his next victim was Hawke? What if he attacked her? Maker, he couldn't imagine it.

_It's hiding in the dark; its teeth are razor sharp_

_There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart_

_No one can hear me scream; maybe it's just a dream_

_Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster _

In his own rage, Anders pushed over one of his examination table and leaned against the pillar, sliding to the floor and resting his head in his hands. Hawke would be here soon – of course she'd want to check on him. How could he even look at her after what he'd nearly done? This monster inside him was consuming him until he was nothing more than Justice and Vengeance – a ghost of the mage he once was.

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

_I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin_

_I must confess that I feel like a monsnter_

_I've gotta lose control, do something radical_

_I must confess that I feel like a monster_

When would Justice emerge again? Would he be able to stop him from committing an even worse atrocity than the one he had almost committed? His mind strayed to Cassyndra Hawke – to her beauty and her kindness. Her voice had pulled him in from the abyss and given him his hold in this world again. He was a monster. He didn't deserve her – he didn't even deserve to think about her. She deserved more.

_I, I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster_

_I, I feel like a monster_


	9. When Love is No Longer a Game

***A/N* **So, this was actually the first of these stories that I wrote - in fact it was the one that inspired the entire set. I hope you enjoy it...Shoutouts to my reviewers, you guys rock! Check out my other stories by visiting my profile and learn more about my upcoming stories for Dragon Age, Labyrinth, Gilmore Girls and Glee.

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><p><strong>When Love is No Longer a Game: Whispers in the Dark<strong>

**http:/ /www. youtube. com/watch ?v=i6PFAnOYZ-M**

"You're here! I wasn't sure you would come." Hawke said, turning as she heard his footsteps in the hall.

"Justice does not approve of my obsession with you." Anders replied, showing her a lopsided smile that made her feel weak. "He believes you are a distraction. It is one of the few things on which he and I disagree." She bit her lip as she watched him approach her, his eyes dark with want.

"If you hadn't come, I'd be out looking for you." Hawke replied. Inwardly, she was terrified that he would reject her again as he had so many times before, but his gaze never left hers – even as his expression became more serious.

"When I was in the circle, love was only a game." The smile was gone now, but she could see a spark in his eyes that drew her in and fascinated her. "It gave the Templars power if there was something you couldn't stand to lose. It would kill me to lose you." He looked away then, his gaze dropping to the floorboards.

_Despite the lies that you're making_

_Your love is mine for the taking._

_My love is just waiting_

_To turn your tears to roses._

"You aren't going to lose me." She replied, taking another step closer to the mage as he raised his gaze to look into her eyes again. They were standing so close that she could see each fleck of color in his deep brown eyes.

"No mage I know has ever dared to fall in love." His voice was gentler now as he brushed her hair away from her face. "This is the rule I will most cherish breaking." When he leaned forward and kissed her, Hawke felt it again – the same fierce desire and urgent longing she had felt when he'd kissed her in the clinic. It was as though a fire had been kindled within her – and she longed for him like water. As she pulled him toward the bed, his expression revealed his excitement mingled with nervousness and she knew that up until this moment, love truly had been a game to him. She loved that it would be together that they would learn what love truly meant.

_I will be the one that's gonna hold you_

_I will be the one that you run to_

_My love is a burning, consuming fire._

He leaned over her as she fell back on the bed, and drew her in again with his kisses. They were gentle at first, like the kiss by the fire, but quickly growing in passion and intensity. She fumbled with the fastenings on his renegade coat before pushing it off his shoulders. As he shrugged his arms out of it and let it fall to the ground, she ran her hands down his chest, marveling at the body he'd earned from years of running from Templars and fighting for his life. She could see the faint lines of the taint where it had darkened his veins and feel the magic that coursed through his body. There was a humming beneath his skin – she could feel it like static electricity across her fingertips. She must have stared at him for some time – entranced by his body and the feel of his magic because he sat back and smiled at her again.

"It's the taint." He whispered, tracing one of his own darkened veins. "Does it bother you?" Hawke shook her head and pulled him back down into another kiss, never allowing her fingers to leave his skin less she forget the feel of this magic as it soaked into her. He was like a drug to her now – the feel of his skin was even more intoxicating than his kisses, and she was sure that the combination would be the death of her.

_No, you'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes_

_I'll light the night with stars_

_Hear the whispers in the dark._

She lifted her arms as Anders pulled her shirt over her head and ran his hands down her sides. His touch was like heat lightning – a shock of magic that sent shivers down her spine and she gasped as he took her by the waist. She felt like she was intoxicated and she must have looked it too, because he sat up and cocked his head to the side as he looked down at her. She didn't think she had any words in her, so she took one of his hands and brought it up to her lips to kiss his fingertips. His fingers were aglow with the magic and she turned his hand to show him.

"I had a feeling that was happening." He admitted, looking slightly abashed – as though he was afraid she'd toss him at any moment. "I can't reign in my magic when I'm with you." He started to sit up, but Hawke caught him by the waist and drew him in for another kiss.

_No, you'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes_

_You know I'm never far_

_Hear the whispers in the dark._

"I love it." She whispered, kissing him again and again until their passion was renewed and building with every caress.

_~~~~~~~Whispers in the Dark~~~~~~~_

"Who else could possibly love me as you do?" Hawke opened her eyes to look up at the mage, smiling. "Who could want me, magic and all?" She reached up and touched his face, watching as the faint glow left on his skin faded away.

"Hopefully, no one else." Her skin was still tingling from his magic, and she knew that the moment it stopped she would crave that feeling again. She stood and crossed to the fireplace, waiting for him to follow as she gazed into the fire. She turned as he approached.

"I love you. I've been holding back from saying that. You should have a normal life – not be tied down to a fugitive with no future." She could see the sadness in his eyes as he spoke. "But, I don't ever want to leave you."

_You feel so lonely and ragged_

_You lay here broken and naked_

_My love is just waiting_

_To clothe you in crimson roses_

"Don't ever leave."

"Do you mean that? Would you have me here, living with you? Would you tell the world – the knight-commander that you love an apostate and you will stand beside him?"

"I want you right here." Hawke said, unable to hide her smile as she watched Anders' excitement grow at the possibility. "Until the day we die."

_I will be the one that's gonna find you_

_I will be the one that's gonna guide you_

_My love is a burning, consuming fire_

"For three years I have lain awake every night, aching for you. I'm still terrified that I'll wake up." As Anders pulled her swiftly into his arms again, Hawke was suddenly rather sure that she'd never be starved for the feel of his touch.

_No, you'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes_

_I'll light the night with stars_

_Hear the whispers in the dark_

_No, you'll never be alone_

_When darkness comes_

_You know I'm never far_

_Hear the whispers in the dark._


	10. One Step Away

***A/N*** So, this is unfortunately, the shortest of my stories, but I think it portrays the moment reasonably well... It's also one of the last chapters before we get past the end of the game. The story will be 18 chapters, so we will be going well beyond the boundaries of the story.

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><p><strong>One Step Away: Comatose<strong>

**www. youtube . com/watch?v=uZ7XcxPMyN0**

He was just a step away – a little more than a breath away from crossing the line between revolutionary and terrorist. Anders' breath caught in his throat as he stood there in the Chantry clutching the potion vial in his shaking hands. He was betraying Cassyndra by doing this, but he had to do it. Justice and Vengeance whispered to him – told him that it was do or die and there was no getting around it. It was exhausting to try and fight Vengeance and so much easier to give in and let him have what he wanted.

_I hate feeling like this_

_I'm so tired of trying to fight this_

_I'm asleep and all I dream of_

_Is waking to you_

What if he went back and told Hawke what he planned to do? Would she disown him or, and possibly worse, would she offer to help him? Would she talk him out of it? He wondered if the hold she held over him and Justice and Vengeance would stop the atrocity that was about to happen. Vengeance whispered – telling him that it wasn't an atrocity, but a necessity.

_Tell me that you will listen_

_Your touch is what I'm missing_

_And the more I hide I realize_

_I'm slowly losing you_

At least, Anders mused, when he drifted in the Fade and let Vengeance take over, he was free to think about Hawke. He was free to love her without the voices in his head telling him to stop allowing himself to be distracted. She was the only thing in the world that made sense. She was fair and right and she knew justice and mercy like they were old friends. Sometimes now, it felt like Justice didn't even know justice anymore.

_Comatose_

_I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

_I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe_

'_Less I feel you next to me_

_You take the pain I feel_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

_I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream_

'_Cause my dreams don't comfort me_

_The way you make me feel_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

He was drowning in Vengeance's pull as he uncorked the vial of potion and held it over the Oriental rug in one of the sitting areas. Here, where he stood, was where Karl had died and now that was where the Chantry would die as well. Anders slipped away from himself as he thought of Hawke – as Vengeance poured the caustic potion onto the rug. Now, the fate of the Revered Mother was in the hands of the Maker, and it seemed so fitting, didn't it?

_I hate living without you_

_Dead wrong to ever doubt you_

_But my demons lay in waiting_

_Tempting me away_

It was only with her that there was any peace – only when he thought of her or held her or loved her was there any world beyond that which was dominated by Vengeance. Even here, in the Fade where he could think of her couldn't compare to having her there. All he had to do was reclaim control and he could return to her.

_Oh, how I adore you_

_Oh, how I thirst for you_

_Oh, how I need you_

_Comatose_

_I'll never wake up without an overdose of you_

She would be done with him when she found out. When she watched the Chantry explode before her eyes it would be all over, he would be alone – or dead. Death would be the only way to bring justice to the people who would die here. He should have trusted her – given her that chance to talk him down, but it was too late. As Anders took over, he felt tears beginning to pool in his eyes. He should have trusted her! It was too late now and it was all over – he'd never be able to prevent the destruction now. It was in the hands of the Maker – Vengeance had won.

_I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe_

'_Less I feel you next to me_

_You take the pain I feel_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

Anders dropped the vial and turned abruptly away. He had to find her – he had to have her in his arms or else all else was worthless. Nothing mattered except her. Vengeance be damned – he had to have her and he had to forget the evil he'd just done. He needed her so he could wake up from this nightmare.

_I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream_

'_Cause my dreams don't comfort me_

_The way you make me feel_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

He found Cassyndra talking to the Revered Mother by the statue of Andraste. The Mother blessed him when he spoke to her – if only she knew that he didn't deserve it. Yes, it was time for a revolution, but suddenly Anders wasn't sure that this was the right revolution. Outside, he put his arm around Hawke's waist and pulled her closer.

_Breathing life, waking up_

_My eyes open up_

"Take me home, Hawke." He whispered in her ear.

"Are you alright, Anders?"

"I am now. Just don't go anywhere, okay?"

"Of course I won't." Anders smiled a little – for the first time all day – as she put her arm around his waist and they walked through Hightown to the Hawke Estate. It was quiet – blissfully quiet – even if it were a temporary peace.

_Oh, how I adore you_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

_Oh, how I thirst for you_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_

_Oh, how I adore you_

_The way you make me feel_

_(Waking up to you never felt so real)_


	11. No Peaceful Solution

***A/N*** So, this is probably one of my favorite stories in this series. I think that Live Free or Let Me Die is almost perfect for the story and I absolutely love it. So, without further ado, I'll remind you to review and present the story.

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><p><strong>No Peace Solution: Live Free or Let Me Die<strong>

**www. youtube. com / watch?v=4bFbEg0SwJ8**

Cassyndra Hawke sat in her study, pouring over books about the Imperium. It was late and Anders was asleep upstairs, but Hawke couldn't sleep. It had been nearly three weeks since his 'ritual' to separate him and Justice and it was more than apparent that he had lied to her. At first she'd been livid but over time livid had become annoyed and annoyed had become curious. What had he done that day in the Chantry?

Fortunately, most of Anders books were here in the estate and it was easy enough to shift through the ones he'd read recently – they looked so horribly worn. Whatever he'd done, he'd been determined – or at least, Justice had been determined. Hawke flipped the through the pages until she found the one that the book fell open to naturally. Her eyes skimmed the pages – reading where the Tevinter script had been translated in Anders' handwriting. There were pieces of paper tucked in between the pages of the book where Anders had copied portions that he needed Fenris to translate – clearly, he hadn't wanted the elf to see the entire passage. It outlined a ritual that Cassyndra was having trouble understanding, but it was decidedly not a ritual to separate him and Justice.

Cassyndra set down the book. She'd gathered enough to understand that things had been escalated. He was no longer writing manifestos and working with the Mage Underground – it was much, much more than that. For the first time, Hawke looked past everything she thought she knew about the mages and the battle they were fighting. She looked past her childhood surrounded by what she perceived as content apostates who spent their life on the run and tried to see what Anders and Bethany and Father saw when a templar appeared. She'd heard them talk about demons and temptation and blood magic. She knew that Anders would never resort to blood magic, but she was beginning to understand what made mages resort to it – she'd seen so many fall looking for power or escape.

_Death until the dust, and we're waiting_

_Ruined in the rust, of our craving_

_It feels like, it feels like_

Meredith was a maniac – anyone who breathed could see that, but looking at it through Anders eyes, Hawke could see so much more. She could see the pain and devastation Meredith reaped in Kirkwall. She could see the fear and loathing that ran deeper than it ever did for her, Fenris, Aveline Varric or Isabela. It ran deeper than Justice – it went to the core of a wounded man who never forgot the things that the Chantry had done to him. Now, Hawke knew that the Chantry would pay for their crimes against mages and she didn't know what to think about it.

_Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal?_

_You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail_

_It feels like, it feels like you gasping with all your might_

She understood that Anders was finally standing up – in a big way – for everything that he believed in and everything that he believed to be right in the world. Cassyndra rested her head in her hands and let herself cry. It was horrible to imagine what destruction would be reaped when Anders decided to unleash this power, but was it more horrible than the destruction that had already been caused? He had spent so long trying to find a peaceful solution; what had made him decide that there was no peaceful solution – had it even been him who'd decided?

_You can't take away my strength_

_Fix these broken veins_

_There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)_

_You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied_

_There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)_

Crossing to the window of her Hightown mansion, Hawke realized for the first time that she could see the Gallows from there. She could see the tower that housed the Circle of Magi and it pained her to look at it. The mages there were treated like criminals – like vermin who were too hard to kill to be rid of and so they were allowed to remain – caged and sedated.

_Insects walk below, I'm on a wire_

_Fire will burn below, but I am higher_

_It feels like, it feels like_

Maybe Anders was right. The Grand Cleric was little more than a turncoat, pandering to the needs of the templars and the mages in turn. Maybe she deserved whatever she got as a result of Anders' ritual.

_Don't you know the cost, of your betrayal_

_You're the one that's lost, you're gonna fail_

_It feels like, it feels like you're gasping with all your might_

Maybe they'd taken too much away from the mages for there to ever be peace – perhaps the blood spilt by all the mages who'd been forced to dark magic to prevent the abuses of templars could never be cleaned up. There was no peace left. There was only a fight – a fight that Cassyndra was now a part of. She would fight to be with her lover – to be free with him or die in the process. Hawke snapped the book closed when she heard him stirring in their room upstairs.

_You can't take away my strength_

_Fix these broken veins_

_There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)_

_You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied_

_There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)_

"Hawke? Where are you, Love?" She stood and went to the sitting room – hoping to avoid him realizing she'd discovered his secret.

"I couldn't sleep so I came down to answer some letters." She said, meeting him halfway up the stairs. He wore his robe partway open, showing his toned chest and Hawke leaned up and kissed him. "Tell me more about being a mage." She said, pulling him back up to the bedroom.

"What?"

"Just tell me more. I just… want to understand what it's like to fight for freedom like you do. I want to know what motivates you."

"You've seen it all, Hawke. You've seen the mages who are struggling for freedom." He said, sitting beside her on the bed.

"Yes, but I don't really know, Anders. I'm a rouge… a trained assassin, which doesn't endear me to many, but I'm not oppressed like you." He looked down at his hands as if thinking before he responded.

_Do you remember how_

_You became who you are now?_

_Do you remember how_

_It felt to breathe without_

_Gasping with all you might?_

"I remember what it was like before I came to the Circle – but only just and I'm one of the few. Most of the mages I met didn't even remember their families. All I knew was that, from the beginning, I never wanted that life. I always knew I was meant for more. I never felt at home in the Circle – it was never where I was meant to be. From there, my hatred grew as I saw my friends killed when they failed their Harrowings. I saw people fall and fail when they tried to escape." He stopped, looking forlorn and like the memories were tearing him apart. "Now, when I see the templars and hear or see of their abuses all I see is the pain and devastation I saw at their hands. I see the faces of all the people who have died and…" He trailed off and Cassyndra scooted over into his lap and lifted his chin. "I see my mother. She never wanted my father to send me to the tower. She wanted to run and find someone else to teach me, but it was too late. The templars were coming and I've never seen her since."

"Oh, Anders – "

"I'll never let them take the people I love from me again, Hawke. I can't let them win this fight. I'll live free or I'll die – there's no getting around this anymore. I know it breaks your heart to hear it, and I love you, but nothing is more important than my freedom –" Hawke cut him off with her finger to his lips.

_You can't take away my strength_

_Fix these broken veins_

_Nothing left to fight_

"I know, Anders. I love you too and I'm with you. No matter what."

_You can't take away my strength_

_Fix these broken veins_

_There's nothing left to fight (Live free or let me die)_

_You can't take away my pride, I won't be denied_

_There's nothing left to fight_

_Nothing left to fight (Nothing left to fight)_

_Live free or let me die_

_Live free or let me die_

_Live free or let_

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><p><em><em>**In cas****e you're still reading, I wanted to tell you all to check out the video on youtube about anders and hawke. It's the quintescential tragic romance video for the Anders fans out there. Link following: **

**www .youtube .com/watch?v=lHz7gRYhcJI**


	12. A Promise and a Battle

***A/N*** Welcome back to all 4 of my regular readers! Just wanted to let you know that I waited to post this chapter so I could make a little ground on some of my other fanfictions as well. Makes for good incentive... lol. Anyway, for those that are interested, I recommend putting me on your author alerts because I'm working on 3 more Dragon Age fanfictions: 1. Blood Betrayal (DA2 Anders/Hawke) 2. Property of the Chantry (DA:A and DA2 Anders) and 3. Royal Bastards (DAO Alistair/Warden). I hope I can count on your readership! Thanks again!

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><p><p>

**A Promise and a Battle: Forgiven**

**www. youtube. com/ watch?v=i8CkEbto2L0**

Even after everything they'd been through, Anders had never imagined that she would forgive him. He had never imaged that he'd be standing here, staff in hand, preparing to fight beside her. It was more than he could possibly thank the Maker for – though he doubted the Maker heard his prayers anymore. He had been sure that, this time, Vengeance would cost him dearly and that he and Justice would both be free, but he had somehow been spared.

He looked over at Hawke. Even as she prepared for battle, she was breath-taking – perfect and priceless and now beyond his reach. Surely, she could never love him now – not after what he had done. She had kept him for his healing and his magic, but surely the rest was over. He was certain that she would talk to the others and pass him by, but she paused in front of him, keeping her distance.

_Forgive me now 'cause I have been unfaithful_

_Don't ask me why 'cause I don't know_

_So many times I've tried but was unable_

_This heart belongs to You alone_

"I should have trusted you." He said. He ached to step closer to her – to take her in his arms, knowing that it could be the last time but he refrained. "Even with all we shared – I never thought you'd spare my life." When he could resist no longer, he took a step closer to her. "If we live through this, you know I'll be hunted. No one in Kirkwall will offer me mercy, but if you would join me, I'd rather be on the run with you than safe with anyone else." He held his breath, awaiting her refusal. He didn't know why he'd asked her – it had been a foolish offer.

"Then we will be fugitives together." Anders could hardly believe his ears as he stared at her smiling face. She had forgiven him. It was more than he could have possibly hoped for.

_Now I'm in our secret place_

_Alone in Your embrace_

_Where all my wrongs have been erased_

_You have forgiven_

"We will fight for a world where our children can be born mages and free." He smiled at the idea of their children. It was something he had never dared imagine before. During his time in the Circle, he had always known that things like love and family were beyond him – now, even with the Taint coursing through his veins and shortening his life – he knew that these things were possible as long as she was by his side. "Ten years from now – a hundred years from now, someone like me will love someone like you and there will be no templars to tear them apart."

_All the promises and lies_

_All the times I compromise_

_All the times You were denied_

_You have forgiven_

Anders knew that the very fact that they were standing together now, professing their love went against all that the Chantry had built. It was – in itself – a revolution against the templars that mages dared to love. He reached toward her and cupped her head in his hand – much like he had that first night they had lain together.

_Forgive me I'm ashamed, I've loved another_

_I can't explain 'cause I don't know_

_No one can take Your place and there is no other_

_Forever Yours and Yours alone_

"May the Maker bring us victory or everything else is meaningless." Anders bent down and captured Hawke's lips in a kiss. This was it, the last moment – the last kiss – the last embrace before they surrendered their lives to the fight for the rights of mages and Anders would not let it pass by.

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><p><em>Now I'm in our secret place<em>

_Alone in Your embrace_

_Where all my wrongs have been erased_

_You have forgiven_

* * *

><p>It seemed all too foreign for Anders to be back in Ferelden. He had felt it the very moment that he and Hawke had crossed the borders – the pull that the land held for him. Now, they were high in the Frostback Mountains, lying together in their tent. Their travels had taken them to some inhospitable places, but she had never attempted to leave his side. All the times he'd broken her heart and betrayed her during their years in Kirkwall – she had always forgiven him. Now, despite her forgiveness, he struggled to make amends.<p>

_All the promises and lies_

_All the times I compromise_

_All the times You were denied_

_You have forgiven_

He pulled The Champion closer beneath the covers, smoothing his hand through her dark hair. This would be their last night in the mountains – the gates of Orzammar were not far away and he would take her there until word could be sent to King Alistair. As they had discussed, the fellow Grey Warden would see that they were transported to the Palace in Denerim. Even though by abandoning the Wardens, he had betrayed them, Alistair had promised protection to Anders and his wife and unborn child. Once in Denerim, they would be protected by Alistiar and Kalirosa and their family. Ever since the Ferelden circle had fallen, the royal family had become great proponents of mage freedom. With their help, Anders, Hawke and their child would be safe and, in exchange, Anders would serve as court healer and Hawke would serve as one of the royal guard once their baby was old enough to be watched at the nursery.

_I get down on my knees_

_Feel Your love wash over me_

_There will never be another_

_You're the only one forever_

_And You know, I'm Yours alone_

Anders smiled as he remembered when he'd found out. He was elated and finally convinced that the Maker still heard his prayers – only the Maker could give a Grey Warden a child. It was like King Alistair and Queen Kalirosa's son, Duncan. Only a miracle could make something like that – a taintless child born of one Warden – much less two – was unheard of. To this day, Anders was nearly certain that their child would be a girl – a beautiful mage girl. He could sense her magic already – there was so much magic alive in her veins from the generations of mages in her bloodline. His greatest relief had been when he'd been completely unable to sense the Taint within his child. Her new soul had purified his Taint and she was without blemish, just like Prince Duncan Theirin.

_I'm in our secret place_

_Alone in Your embrace_

_Where all my wrongs have been erased_

_You have forgiven_

Anders had been forgiven. He had been forgiven by the Grey Wardens and the mages. He had been forgiven by the Maker and the King. Most importantly, however, Hawke had forgiven him and Justice was silent. For now.

_All the promises and lies_

_All the times I compromise_

_All the times You were denied_

_You have forgiven_

_You have forgiven_

_Forgiven, forgiven_

_Forgiven, forgiven_

_Forgiven, Forgiven_

_Forgiven._


	13. Making Amends

**Making Amends: Better than Drugs**

**www . youtube. com/ watch?v=wYS-cc8POE0**

Hawke leaned back against the stone wall of the room she and Anders were sharing in the royal palace of Orzammar. The walls were cool and they eased her fever a little. He was gone – helping King Harrowmont with his son's illness and Cassyndra had been left on her own for a bit. He had promised to return shortly, but it had been nearly four hours now and he was still gone. Something about the magic bond formed through their marriage told her of his desperation as he treated the child and she did her best to hide her own discomfort from him. They could feel every heartbeat and emotion that the other experienced, and she hoped that he was too distracted to notice her.

_Feel your every heartbeat_

_Fell you on these empty nights_

_Calm the ache, stop the shakes_

_You clear my mind_

The fever had only been with her a couple of hours and she knew that he could tend her in a few moments when he returned – but Maker, would he be upset that she hadn't called him. In truth, she did miss him something terrible. She longed for his touch and his embrace as she always did when he wasn't near – she had known from the first time he'd held her that she would never tire of his embrace. That first kiss had sealed their fates rather permanently.

_You're my escape_

_From this messed up place_

'_Cause you let me forget_

_You numb my pain_

She slid down the wall slowly, relishing in the feel of the cold marble as she let her eyes drift closed. At least if she were asleep, Anders wouldn't feel the distress emanating from her fevered mind. She rested her hands on her stomach cradling her baby protectively. She remembered when they'd found out about the child – it had actually been Anders who had known first. He had sensed his baby's life force before there had been any signs at all. He had cringed as he'd told her – apparently afraid of her reaction. There had been so many things that were unknown in the beginning and they'd both been afraid. But beneath it all, both Hawke and Anders had been overjoyed.

_How can I tell you just all that you are_

_What you do to me_

Anders was still making amends for his crimes and serving penance for his sins, but there was no need. He had been forgiven before the battle at the Circle and she'd tried to tell him that, but she knew that he still didn't fully understand how much she loved him. They'd been married a year ago in a Chantry in the far southwestern part of the Free Marches and although Hawke was sure that the revered mother had recognized the dangerous apostate and his young bride, the mother had ignored it in favor of the love that the two of them had shared. She had known, certainly, that Anders was a mage and had pulled them aside and given them a special blessing which had solidified the magical bond between them. She'd been a mage sympathizer – to the point that there had been no templars present at the wedding. She'd told Anders that, no matter what, he would always have the blessing of the Maker upon him.

_You're better than drugs_

_Your love is like wine_

_Feel you comin' on so fast_

_Feel you comin' on to get me high_

_You're better than drugs_

_Addicted for life_

_Feel you comin' on so fast_

_Feel you comin' on to get me high_

Finally, Hawke heard the footfalls of her young husband coming down the hall. She tried to stand, but couldn't raise herself without assistance and resigned herself to her impending fate. True to all expectations, when the door opened Anders rushed in and knelt beside her, brushing her bangs out of her face.

_Feel you when I'm restless_

_Feel you when I cannot cope_

_You're my addiction, my prescription, my antidote_

"Hawke! Are you alright?" She nodded a bit as Anders slipped his hands beneath her and lifted her from the floor.

"The wall was cool." She whispered, smiling a little in spite of the discomfort she felt. "Try to calm down, my mage." She watched Anders take a visible breath as he tried to slip into "healer" mode.

"Nasty fever you've got, Love."

"Don't I know it." She said smiling as she took his hand in her own. His hands were cool and she sighed in relief at the touch of his skin and the magic that she felt in him.

"Lie still, Cassyndra. I'll take care of it." He whispered, his smiling fading as he concentrated. She turned her head to watch him, lying still as instructed. She watched as his expression changed to one of concentration and a glow began in his chest and spread down his arms to his fingertips. His eyes were closed as he conjured the spell carefully in his outstretched hands. He was completely beautiful and as the fever faded at his touch, Hawke began to yearn for his embrace again.

_You kill the poison_

_Ease the suffering_

_Calm the rage when I'm afraid_

_To feel again_

When the spell was done, Anders fell toward the bed, catching himself on his hands. She knew that the spell would not have normally worn on him like that, but he had expended a great deal of magic on the young Lord Harrowmont. She reached out and grabbed his wrists, pulling him into the bed beside her as he regained his composure.

"You've used too much mana. I would have been alright for a bit." He lay on his back and she laid her head on his chest.

"I'm fine, Love."

"Justice doesn't supplement your mana anymore, Anders. You shouldn't push yourself too hard."

_How can I tell you just all that you are_

_What you do to me_

"I just feel bad, Hawke. This has been a rough pregnancy for you because of me." Hawke asked, preparing for this discussion again.

"Why do you suppose it's your fault?" She asked, turning her head to look at him. He ran his hand up and down her back as they lay together and she could feel the mana returning to him.

"My magic. The child's magic is so strong. I think it's causing complications."

"Never mind that my father was an apostate mage." She replied, hitting him lightly on his chest. They lay together for a few more moments before Anders spoke again.

"What was it like? Having a father who was an apostate?"

"Not as terrible as you'd think. He spent a lot of his time with Bethany, tutoring her, but we were always there… sometimes playing with his staff and pretending that we were mages too. He was like you – he rarely needed his staff unless he was in battle." She paused to glance over at Anders' staff where it sat in the corner beside her twin blades. They had been there since her and Anders had arrived in Orzammar. "We were taught that mages were something to be envied and appreciated – not feared. I never heard the Chantry's version of what mages were until I was an adult."

"And you never felt ostracized?"

"Never. I loved my father very much." She whispered, snuggling closer to her mage as he pulled the blanket up over them. "There is only one mage that I love more."

_Feel your every heartbeat_

_Feel you on these empty nights_

_You're the strength of my life_

_You're better than drugs_

_Your love is like wine_

_Feel you comin' on so fast_

_Feel you comin' on to get me high_

_You're better than drugs_

_Addicted for life_

_Feel you comin' on so fast_

_Feel you comin' on to get me high_


	14. The Descent to Vengeance

***A/N* I'm not going to bother you all with a lengthy introductory author's note... This is one of my favorite chapters... I've been told that I'm VERY good at chronicling the descent to madness... Thanks for all your reviews! **

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><p><strong>The Descent to Vengeance: <strong>Falling Inside the Black<strong>**

****www. you tube. com / watch?v=tfY4OfUXiYU****

Anders felt shivers down his spine as he leaned back against the stone walls of the palace of King Alistair. Alone in his study, it felt like a tempest had settled all around him. He could feel his blood surging through him like acid, burning him from the inside out. His magic felt entirely outside his control and he watched as the marble heated to a deep red beneath his fingertips. He jerked his hands away, fighting back the chill within him. The solitude felt so complete – so enveloping that Anders was sure that no one would ever come to save him from himself.

_Tonight I'm so alone_

_This sorrow takes a hold_

_Don't leave me here so cold_

_Never want to be so cold_

Justice told him that he would never be free from his mission – that his little "vacation" with his wife and daughter had been nothing but a distraction – one that would soon be remedied. He wanted none of it. For the first time, his friend Justice felt like a demon – a possession – and Anders felt like an abomination. The marble grew cold beneath him as his magic surged through him again – uncontrollable and caustic.

_Your touch used to be so kind_

_Your touch used to give me life_

_I've waited all this time, I've wasted so much time._

He closed his eyes and conjured images of his wife and daughter – of the life he'd created since Justice had become silent, but his vision became duller and more fade-like with every breath he took. Every breath brought images of mages in bondage and the horrors of templar domination. Vengeance was returning and he wanted to scream, but wasn't sure that anyone could hear him. Maybe the screaming was only inside his soul – if there was a soul left after the Taint and the union with Justice.

_Don't leave me alone_

'_Cause I barely see at all. _

_Don't leave me alone I'm –_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

"No." He whispered into his hands feeling the white-hot sensation of Vengeance's magic as it leaked through his own – tainting his healing aura with anger – lighting mercy afire with rage. "Please." He begged, tears escaping from his eyes as he tried to fight back the rage within. He didn't want it anymore – he cared only for the love of his wife and his daughter and was willing to leave the Anderfel circle as it was. He paused in his pleading, knowing that it was not true. He would always care about the plight of the mages.

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

He wanted her there, his Champion. Her touched would push Vengeance away – at least for a while until he could figure out what to do with it. Beneath him, the marble had cracked from the magic he'd infused in it and he felt himself trembling. He tried to rise to his feet, but fell to his knees from the shaking, and buried his head in his hands and cried. He cried for the mages who were still falling victim to oppression and for the men and women who would die at the hands of Vengeance. He cried for his little Leandra – the sweet angel who might never be raised by her father. He was sure that Vengeance would rob him of the family he'd created. How ironic that he was to fight for mages to have the right to what Vengeance was stealing from him.

_You were my source of strength_

_I've traded everything_

_That I love for this one thing_

_Stranded in the offering_

_Don't leave me here like this_

_Can't hear me scream from the abyss_

_And now I wish for you, my desire._

Behind him, he heard a gentle knock on the door as his angel came in. Her soul was so perfect that Anders could almost feel her light pulling the darkness from within him. His angel crossed to him and stood in front of him, wiping the tears from his face with soft white hands.

"My little Leah. How'd you get away from the nursery?" He asked, pulling the suddenly serious four-year-old into his arms and holding her there where Justice couldn't find them.

_Don't leave me alone_

'_Cause I barely see at all. _

_Don't leave me alone I'm –_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

"Daddy needed me." She whispered, putting her arms around his neck and squeezing him tight. "I could feel it." Anders smiled at her intuitiveness – a brand of magic that was evident of the bond that linked father and daughter. He watched as Leah sat up and placed her tiny palm on his chest, causing it to glow faintly green. For a couple of breathless moments, it was as if Justice had never become a part of him – the spirit had been chased back to the Fade, but when she removed her hand, Justice returned – urging him to chastise the child, but he ignored the belligerent spirit.

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

"What did you do, Angel?"

"Chased the bad man away." She whispered, hugging him again and kissing him on the cheek. "You should come have lunch with me and Mommy."

"Of course, Leah." He replied, scooping her up in his arms. Was there, perhaps, some way to chase Justice back to the Fade? Had he just been given the solution by the most unlikely mage there was – other than Sandal? They were questions that would be discussed in the days to come, but for now, Anders was more than happy to hold his sweet Leandra – a child born a mage and free.

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

_Dreaming of the way it used to be_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling in the black_

_Slipping through the cracks_

_Falling to the depths can I ever go back?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Falling inside, falling inside the black_

_Falling inside the black_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling inside the black_

_Can you hear me?_

_Falling inside the black._


	15. Lost Within You

**Lost Within You – Yours to Hold**

**www . youtube. com/ watch?v=T6uiijYqXnI**

Anders had been so silent as of late and Hawke had hardly to wonder the reasons why. She watched him as he slept in the library. The books were spread before him, but he was lying back in his chair, his arm drawn across his eyes. The tomes spread before him were partially in Tevinter, but those that were in English were about possession and as Hawke gently closed each book she felt hot tears falling from her eyes. They were tears of sadness and anger – anger at the spirit who cared nothing of her pain and her life and family. They were tears in mourning for the man who she loved – the man who was suddenly so far away from her.

_I see you standing here_

_But you're so far away_

_Starving for your attention_

_You don't even know my name_

She tried to quell her tears as she ran her hand gently through his flaxen hair, but it was hopeless. The floodgates had been opened and now all she could do was weep helplessly – wishing that there was something that she could do for him – that she could hold him against the pain and desperation she felt.

_You're going through so much _

_But I know that I could be the one to hold you_

Somewhere inside she wondered if she'd truly been the influence in his life that she'd always thought she was. She wondered if she'd been his salvation as he'd always claimed. Maybe if she had been, he wouldn't always lie to her and exclude her from his struggles. She wanted – needed him to reach out to her and hold her – for both their sakes.

_Every single day_

_I find it hard to say_

_I could be yours to alone_

_You will see someday _

_That all along the way_

_I was yours to hold_

_I was yours to hold_

Hawke stifled a sob and crossed to the bookshelf when she heard him stir. The tears were still falling from her eyes in waves, but she couldn't look back – couldn't let him see her pain. She wanted to be strong like him, but it was harder than she could have imagined. All she ever saw was the same empty pain that she'd seen in his eyes before the Chantry incident. There was the same steadfast determination – the same hardness that could only come from Justice. Despite her desire to be strong, all she wanted was to find a way to talk to him – to help him.

_I see you walking by_

_Your hair always hiding your face_

_I wonder why you've been hurting_

_I wish I had some way to say_

"What are you doing up, Cassyndra?" She swallowed another sob before she dared to answer him.

"I'm just putting away some books." The words hurt like swallowing fire, but she didn't know how or what to say – how to tell him that she needed to feel his arms around her – that maybe she could be the one to save him.

_You're going through so much_

_Don't you know that I could be the one to hold you?_

"I'm so sorry. I meant to do it myself, let me help." She shook her head silently as she felt the lump at the back of her throat growing at the sound of his voice. Why couldn't he see how badly she wanted him to know that she was there for him? Why couldn't he reach out to her for his salvation instead of a bunch of lifeless tomes?

_Every single day_

_I find it hard to say_

_I could be yours to alone_

_You will see someday _

_That all along the way_

_I was yours to hold_

_I was yours to hold_

"Cassyndra?" She could hear the concern lacing his voice, but she didn't turn around, merely busied herself with the volumes she still held in her hands. It wasn't until she felt his hand on her shoulder that she dropped her gaze to the floor and let the tears fall, leaving shiny spots on the dusty books that she held. The desire to help him was overwhelming and it exhausted her.

"Please talk to me, Cassyndra." She knew that the gentleness in his voice only served to mask the darkness of his eyes – that it was little more than a brief interlude from the madness within him. She wept all the more, knowing that no matter how much she reached out to him that he could only reach back, never taking the line that she threw him.

"I can't." She whispered, her breaths coming in gasps now as she wept.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know how." He was silent, obviously waiting for her to find her words and she struggled to figure out how to tell him that she wanted to help – to find the words that would reach out to him without causing him to close off from her even more. She could still feel his hand on her shoulder and she rested hers on top of his before she turned back toward him and held her free hand over his eyes.

"Close your eyes and remember our life, Anders." His expression betrayed his confusion, but she could see, once she moved her hand, that he'd complied. "Now tell me about everything we've been through. Speak it as you see it in your mind." She could see his trembling as he hesitated.

"I can't, Hawke. It's all so far away, like I'm looking at it through a deep fog. I want to – I really do." Leaning forward, she took his hands in her own and leaned up to his level.

"Sure you can, Anders. He can't take me away from you – I'm the one thing he can't, don't you remember?" He drew in a shaky breath before she felt herself pulled into his embrace. She could feel him shaking as he cried and she held him, tangling her hands in his hair as she tried to soothe him. "I'm reaching out to you, Love. Take my hand and let me help you."

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach_

_You should know_

_I'm ready when you're ready for me_

_And I'm waiting for the right time_

_For the day I catch your eye_

_To let you know_

_That I'm yours to hold_

When he opened his eyes again, for the briefest moment, his chocolate brown eyes were alive again – they were the eyes of the man she loved and he looked down at her, his gaze tinged with love and sadness.

"I have a plan, but there are things you don't know about my possession."

"Possession? You've never called it that before."

"It never felt like one before." He whispered, his hands still held about her waist as if to keep Justice at bay long enough to say what he had to say. "I told you once that the spirit was no longer my friend, Justice, and that is because Justice had been overpowered by the demon created by our union. His name is Vengeance." Hawke covered his arms with hers, as if securing the bond that would keep Anders in control.

"Until now, I've never found a way to will them back into the Fade, but now, things are different."

_Every single day_

_I find it hard to say_

_I could be yours to alone_

_You will see someday _

_That all along the way_

_I was yours to hold_

_I was yours to hold_

_I'm stretching but you're just out of reach_

_I'm ready when you're ready for me_


	16. A Desperate Solution

***A/N* So, is anyone else a big fan of the adorable little Leandra yet? 'Cause I am... this story is very plottish - unlike most of the chapters in Vengeance and Archdemons. I really like it tho. So, please R&R. Shoutout to all (7?) of my reviewers. Share the love, people. Share the love.**

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><p><strong>A Desperate Solution: Lost Within You<strong>

**www. youtube .com /watch?v=yWPCEGc_J_c**

Cassyndra Hawke stood at the massive oak doors of the Ferelden circle – her blades sheathed and tied to her back for the first time in five years. Behind her Anders stood, holding Leandra in one arm, his staff drawn in the other as they spoke with First Enchanter Irving.

"Understand this, Irving." Hawke said, engaged in a staring contest with the elderly mage. "Anders has never spoken ill of you, which is high praise for any Circle mage, but know this, I will fell every man and woman in this tower if you betray your word." The elderly mage smiled a little, obviously entertained by the woman's threats.

"You have my word, serah. Anders and Leandra will enter and exit this tower without resistance." He paused, nodding to the healer as he put his staff behind his back. It was the first time he'd carried his staff in five years. "It would be foolish to try to keep them here. I gave up trying to keep Anders here after the sixth escape attempt. The templars never gave up, but things are different now. Come in, please, we will help." Anders stepped forward and took Hawke's hand with his now free one and together they entered through the massive oak doors and Hawke saw the Ferelden circle for the first time.

"Daddy, you lived here?" Leandra asked, craning her neck around to see the sights within the tower.

"I did, Angel, for almost fifteen years."

"Why?"

"Because some people made me, but I escaped and found Mommy instead."

"I'm glad you escaped. Is the old mage going to help us get rid of the bad man?"

"I hope so, but you're going to have to help. Can you do that?" Leandra nodded and Hawke watched as Anders nuzzled her closer. She was a complete daddy's girl, but Cassyndra loved watching them together – especially in times like now when she could feel Anders' anxiety coming off him in waves. Together, Hawke walked with the three mages as they passed living quarters with young apprentices who stared in shock at Hawke's twin blades and the young mage that Anders held. From everything Anders had told her, guests to the Circle were generally kept to a minimum and Leandra was much younger than most apprentices brought for study. Anders pulled her closer and snaked his arm about her waist as they walked, trying to comfort her, but his emotions gave him away – as usual.

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><p>Anders had never thought he'd find himself in the Harrowing chamber again – once had been enough for him. This time, however, he was lying in the center of the room on a few pillows. The senior enchanters surrounded him, sitting on a line that had been drawn to contain their magic and First Enchanter Irving sat beside him looking down at him with benevolence. Leandra was in the lap of Anders' friend, Wynne, as she sat in her place in the circle. Wynne held Leandra tightly as the child held Anders staff in her hands – a conduit for her magic. It was her magic that would fuel the ritual that would send Anders, Justice and Vengeance into the Fade. None in the Circle had ever seen a mage child with such potential, but the First Enchanter believed that it was because of her magic lineage and her close bond to her father. This was why it was so important that she have his staff instead of the staff of another.<p>

"And why, do you want to free yourself from Justice?" The First Enchanter asked.

"He is not my friend Justice anymore, Irving. He is Vengeance and he has hounded my life long enough. I want nothing more than a life with my wife and daughter. I have been his slave for fifteen long years and I have so few left before the Taint claims me." Looking around, Anders could see envious smiles on the faces of the other senior enchanters – he could see that they longed for the life he'd created outside the Circle – for loved ones – for children of their own.

_Do you know what it's like when_

_You're scared to see yourself?_

_Do you know what it's like when_

_You wish you were someone else_

_Who didn't need your help to get by?_

"Your will must be strong, Anders, for this to work. Vengeance will fight against losing both you and Justice."

"Bring me Cassyndra."

"It's not safe, Anders."

"Like shit it's not safe. She is the only thing that's kept me here – if not for her I would have been consumed with Vengeance fifteen years ago. She keeps me alive. If there is to be a fight, she must be beside me." He turned his head enough to see Irving nod to Wynne who left an opening in the circle for Cassyndra to enter through. "Wynne, please care for Leandra."

"Are you ready, Anders?"

"I am."

"And you, Cassyndra?" He felt her take his hand and knew it would be his anchor to this world, the one thing that would keep _Anders _within this body and fight back Justice and Vengeance. He knew that she had always loved him – Justice and all, but he also knew it was time to stop fighting with himself. He closed his eyes as he felt the magic around him growing and his vision fading as he entered the Fade.

He looked beside himself, anxiously, half-expecting Cassyndra to still be beside him because he could still feel the ghost of her touch like phantom pain in an amputated leg, but she wasn't here. The Fade was much as he remembered it and he rose and looked around watching the scenery waver around him. He knew that Vengeance and Justice would not be hard to find in this dream, because they were looking for him as well. Vengeance would angry that he'd had been forced from the mage's body again.

Suddenly, his knees gave out as he felt electricity shooting through his body. He landed on his hands and knees, looking up at himself – skin cracked as though pure lyrium were escaping and wearing his black renegade coat. The sight of himself as Vengeance sent a shiver down his spine, and he wondered how Hawke could look at him, much less calm him down when he was like this. His own staff was pointed down at him – the blade on the end held to his throat.

"You want out?" He heard his own distorted voice coming from his doppelganger. He recognized this spirit – it was neither he nor Justice – it was Vengeance. "Fleeing is not Justice." It said, angling the blade so he could see it glimmer in the ever-changing lights of the Fade.

_Do you know what it's like_

_To wanna surrender?_

"When did this happen?" Anders asked, hoping the spirit would hear his voice through his rage. "When did we become this? I'm tired of running and fighting. I have what I want in the world – let me keep it, Spirit."

"Why?"

"Because my rage is spent. I want more than this, Vengeance."

_I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow_

_I don't want feel like this today_

_Make me feel better, I wanna feel better._

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><p>Hawke felt the tears streaming down her face as she watched Anders struggle in the Fade. She wished with all her heart that she could be there with him, but all she could do was hold him and anchor him to her – his spirit had to be the one to win.<p>

She had always loved him – it had never mattered to her that Justice was a part of him, but Anders had told her that it was different this time – that Vengeance was trying to take over now. He was little more than a demon now and Anders was frightened. Hawke stifled a sob as she felt Anders hand tighten about her own, a sign that things were not well in the Fade. She saw Irving's brow furrow in concern as he watched Anders journey.

"I'm here, Love, and I'm gonna keep you here. Stay with me."

_Stay with me here now and never surrender_

_Never surrender._

…

He and Justice had found one another, and together they had begun battle with Vengeance. Perhaps at one point, they had not understood one another, but now, Anders and Justice fought as one – moving with a fluidity that neither would have thought possible. Justice had brought Anders a staff of Valor and he threw spells as Justice attacked with sword and shield. It was then that Anders heard the voice of Vengeance inside his mind.

'Why do you want out now? Has this not been a profitable arrangement for you?'

_Do you know what it's like when_

_You're not who you wanna be?_

_Do you know what it's like to_

_Be your own worst enemy_

_Who sees the things in me I can't hide?_

'You have to ask?' Anders replied, not bothering to speak aloud. 'I hate who I have become, Spirit. I am the best example of why mages should be feared. I don't want any of this anymore. I want Cassyndra and Leandra and nothing more. Justice understands this –that is why he fights alongside me. There is no room for Vengeance any longer, damn it. I want my life back!' With that, Anders shot another spell at the spirit, knocking him backward and leaving him at the mercy of Justice.

_Do you know what it's like_

_To wanna surrender?_

* * *

><p>It had been nearly two hours and Anders had been glowing faintly blue for the majority of those hours. It had startled Cassyndra at first, but she had never let go of him. She had always been the one that kept him from succumbing to Vengeance, and she wasn't about to change that now. She lay beside him now, one hand holding his as the other wound about his waist inside his jacket.<p>

"Stay with me. Don't surrender, Anders. I'm here."

_I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow _

_I don't wanna live like this today_

_Make me feel better, I wanna feel better_

_Stay with me here now and never surrender_

* * *

><p>He could hear her through the confines of the Fade – reminding him to keep fighting and he smiled, still feeling the phantom of her touch now around him as well as on his hands. He watched as Justice approached Vengeance where he lay on the floor, imprisoned by Anders spell. His sword was still drawn as he looked down at the figure with an anger seething through him that Anders could sense.<p>

_Make me feel better, you make me feel better_

_You make me feel better, put me back together._

"Justice!" He had called when he'd seen his friend raise his blade.

"This is justice for the sins he's committed against you and Hawke and the people of Kirkwall, Anders."

"Justice knows Mercy. It is what separates you from him, remember? Let him become part of the Fade, stripped of his magic and my guise." Justice looked up at him then, a smile that Anders had never seen gracing his features.

"I find myself surprised that you would suggest that. He has stolen so much from you, my friend." Justice replied, looking down at the pitiful doppelganger again. "But I agree. Justice does know Mercy. You are a good man, Anders – a better one now that you have left rage and revenge behind." Justice crossed to Anders and together the mage and the spirit held their hands out, causing Vengeance to vanish in a flash of light – to become an impotent part of the Fade – one that would never hurt nor find another foothold in the world of mortals.

_I don't wanna feel like this tomorrow_

_I don't wanna live like this today_

_Make me feel better, I need to feel better_

_Stay with me here now and never surrender._

"Thank you, Justice. For helping me change the world. You helped me make it a world that my Leandra could live in. You have been a good friend – I'm sorry for what Vengeance did to us."

"There are no apologies, Anders. You have taught me much. You let me live in the world of mortals for fifteen years and you taught me of love and family and friendship. The Fade will always be my home, but it will never compare with the things I have seen there. They have changed me." He said, taking Anders by the hand and embracing him.

"Come see me." Anders said, giving the spirit permission to visit his dreams.

"Only if I can see Hawke as well." He said, smiling again. "I've grown rather fond of her." Anders nodded, smiling, before closing his eyes and willing himself back to the world of the living. He wished more than anything that they'd had more time together without Vengeance. Finally, he realized that he would miss his friend, Justice.

_Put me back together_

_Never surrender, make me feel better_

_You make me feel better_

_Stay with me here now and never surrender_


	17. And Then There Were Two

***A/N* **So, something new I'm doing... each time I update, each story I publish will have 2 song dedications at the end... think of it like high school prom where you dedicate songs to the people you love... it just so happens I love my characters. It's sort of a window into how I find my inspiration. Hopefully you guys will enjoy it and hopefully it will make you want to read some of my other stories as well as raising awareness for my upcoming stories. Thanks! And shoutout to: Towa-No-Yami.

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><p><strong>And Then There Were Two: Rebirthing<strong>

**www. youtube. com/watch?v=GTbKorqc56o**

Cassyndra Hawke lay on the bed, staring up at Anders with a smile on her face. It was early in the morning and he was still asleep – sleeping more peacefully than she'd seen him in a while. She was sure he'd still have nightmares from the Taint –but at least Vengeance would no longer haunt his dreams. He looked so peaceful now and even since yesterday he'd become so much lighter – like Justice had never been a part of him. He laughed so easily now. He loved to make jokes and poke fun at King Alistair. It had all been worth it if only to see Anders truly happy.

_I lie here paralytic, inside this soul_

_Screaming for you till my throat is numb_

_I wanna break out I need a way out_

_I don't believe that it's gotta be this way_

_The worst is the waiting_

_In this womb I'm suffocating_

He was sure to wake soon – he never slept past dawn and Cassyndra considered having someone bring breakfast. The scent of bacon and fresh bread was wafting its way throughout the castle and she was already hungry. She finally felt him stirring beneath her and shifted her weight so he would be more comfortable.

"Paradise." He whispered with a great sigh as his eyes fluttered open.

"Excuse me?"

"All I ever wanted was a pretty girl, a decent meal and the right to shoot lightning at fools." He replied, smiling down at her. She could see mischief in his eyes – it was new expression for him. "I'd say I aced it on all accounts." Hawke couldn't help but giggle as Anders pulled her into his arms.

_Feel your presence filling up my lungs with oxygen_

_I'll take you in_

_I've died_

* * *

><p>For Anders, there was nothing in the world like waking up beside Hawke. As he pulled his giggling wife into his arms, he thanked the Maker again and again for not only giving him all He had but for freeing him from his curse – for giving him a second chance. It was like he was a new man – rediscovering what it was like to be the only person in his head and he couldn't have been happier.<p>

_Rebirthing now_

_I wanna live for love, wanna live for you and me_

_Breathing for the first time now_

_I've come alive somehow_

"So," Hawke's voice pulled him out of his stupor and he looked down at her where she looked up at him, her chin resting on his chest. "Tell me about escaping from the tower."

"Didn't your father escape?"

"Not exactly. He was released by a merciful templar." Anders steeled himself for Justice's intrusion at the very mention of templars before he remembered that it wouldn't happen.

"Well, which time would you like to hear about, Love?"

"Which is your favorite?" She asked, giving him a look that begged him to forget stories, flip her over and take her – but he distracted himself with trying to pick a favorite instead.

_Rebirthing now_

_I wanna live my life, wanna give you everything_

_Breathing for the first time now_

_I've come alive somehow _

"The first time I escaped I was only fifteen years old. I was barely even a mage." Anders said, running his hands through her hair – it was long like it had been when they'd first met. "I was a little too handsome and too charming for my own good, I think, and I may have seduced an initiate." Hawke looked shocked, but Anders continued. "We didn't **do **anything, but I convinced her to help me escape. She got me a boat and everything."

"Did she come with you?"

"I arrived at the meeting spot an hour before her. I took the boat and left her a note. Don't worry, I made sure she didn't suffer any consequences related to my escape. I managed to convince Gregoir that I had stolen the boat from her."

"How long did it take them to hunt you down?"

"All of about a day, I think. She ratted me out pretty quick. Apparently, I wasn't charming enough to prevent that bit." Hawke laughed and he pulled her closer, breathing in the scent of her hair – it still smelled like leather from her armor the day before. She was perfect – everything about her and he loved that he could see her now so clearly without the Fade and the voices obscuring that.

_I lie here lifeless_

_In this cocoon_

_Shedding my skin cause_

_I'm ready to_

_I wanna break out_

_I found a way out_

_I don't believe that it's gotta be this way_

_The worst is the waiting_

_In this womb I'm suffocating_

_Rebirthing now_

_I wanna live for love, wanna live for you and me_

_Breathing for the first time now_

_I've come alive somehow_

"I love you, Cassyndra" He said, tilting her chin up so he could kiss her. She had brought him back to life – every day since he'd met her she'd been the anchor that kept him in the world. She'd been like a beacon to chase away Justice – a balm against the pain and anger he caused, and now Justice was gone and she had remained. He felt her hands in his hair as she pulled him in for another kiss, pulling herself up his body as he ran his hand up her thigh.

_Rebirthing now_

_I wanna live my life, wanna give you everything_

_Breathing for the first time now_

_I've come alive somehow _

"Maker's Breath, Hawke, what are you doing to me?" He hissed, pulling her up to straddle him as she kissed him. "You know the odds are against another child, right?"

_Tell me when I'm gonna live again_

_Tell me when I'm gonna breathe you in_

_Tell me when I'm gonna feel inside_

_Tell me when I'm gonna feel alive_

* * *

><p><strong>Song Dedications of the Week:<strong>_  
><em>

Anders (from Vengeance and Archdemons): Collide by Skillet (www .youtube. com/watch?v=YTEhSrgTyuU)**  
><strong>

Sarah (from Between the Stars): Thinking of You by Katy Perry (www. youtube. com/watch?v=hnE-h4aPVIg)


	18. For Now But Not Forever

**Longest time between updates... ever. Anyway, this is the last full chapter for Of Vengeance and Archdemons. Basically, the premise of this chapter is my theory that someday the heroes and heroines of all the previous games will come together to save Thedas from crisis (Maric, the Savior of Fereldan; Kalirosa, the Hero of Fereldan; Cassyndra, the Champion of Kirkwall and others). So, this is the chapter just before they leave to form this band of heroes to save Thedas. And thank you to my extremely faithful reviewer: Towa-no-Yami.  
><strong>

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><p><strong>For Now but Not Forever - Say Goodbye<strong>

**www. youtube watch?v=1TuEUxuWR0I**

Kalirosa Theirin lounged languidly in her chair by the fireplace and watched her husband read in the seat across from her. They'd met twenty years ago – both cursed with the Taint. Despite all odds, they'd lived, married and even had a son to carry on the Theirin bloodline. Her king looked older now, but his hair was still perfectly blonde and his eyes still glimmered with all the love and mischief they always had.

_Things are changing_

_It seems strange and_

_I need to figure this out_

"Are you scared, Alistair?" She asked, leaning forward and placing a hand on his leg.

"What kind of a question is that? Are you scared?"

"A little." She watched him smile as he put down his book and leaned forward to match her position.

"I thought heroines were never scared, Warden Commander."

"And I thought kings were always serious, but you prove that wrong daily." Kalirosa quipped as Alistair pulled her by the hand until she was sitting in his lap.

"Did you ever meet Cailan? I don't know anyone who would call him serious. I was afraid to make that joke about putting on a dress and dancing the Remigold in from of him because he might have taken me up on it." Kalirosa laughed as she remembered that moment. She'd hardly known Alistair for a few hours, but she'd already begun falling for him.

_You've got your life_

_I got mine_

_But you're all I cared about_

"Now," she began, running her hands through his short, blonde hair, "would you do it for a queen?"

"Maybe, but it would have to be a pretty dress." She laughed again, remembering the blight and her friends, but as the sound of his laughter died, Kalirosa's thoughts grew more somber. She imagined coming home to find that he'd gone to the Deep Roads without her or that he'd died of the Taint before she'd returned.

_Yesterday we were laughing_

_Today I'm left here asking_

_Where has all the time gone now_

"I'll be back, you know." She whispered, "I promise that I'll be home before – before it's too late."

"I know you will, Kalirosa. We still have time left together."

"But, just in case…" she said, resting her forehead against his, "I'll love you forever."

_I'm left alone somehow_

_Growing up and getting older_

_I don't wanna believe it's over_

* * *

><p>Alistair Theirin sat on the edge of the bed and watched Kalirosa as she slept. She looked more peaceful and beautiful than ever. Twenty years they'd been together now – twenty years of bickering and loving that he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. She was his queen, his love, and his life. She was his perfection.<p>

_Don't say goodbye_

_Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight_

She turned over in her sleep and he lay back down beside her, pulling her closer beneath the blankets. There, in the royal chambers of the Fereldan Palace, Alistair remembered the fifth blight – the tragic series of events that had brought them together. Their relationship had been marked by times like this – by separation and reunion; by celebration and mourning.

_Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I_

He hated that she was leaving but had always known this was coming. Kalirosa Theirin had always been meant for more than the life of a courtier – who was he to deny her the chance to save all of Thedas?

_And although we knew_

_This time would come for me and you_

"In war, victory. In peace, vigilance. In death, sacrifice." He whispered, remembering their last night together before they'd ended the blight. He hugged her closer as he felt tears burning their way down his cheeks – the memory stung as though it were yesterday. She was everything and he prayed to the Maker that they would be together again before it was too late – before they were both lost to the Taint.

_Don't say anything tonight_

"I love you." He whispered, closing his eyes and breathing in the scent of her as he fell asleep.

_If you're gonna say goodbye_

* * *

><p>"Tell me not to go." Cassyndra Hawke whispered from where she lay, enveloped in the arms of the man she loved. "Tell me to stay – that Leandra needs me more than Thedas does. Please, Anders."<p>

_Do you remember_

_In December_

_How we swore we'd never change_

_Even though you're leaving_

_That our feelings_

_Would always stay the same_

"Oh, Love. I can't do that. You know I can't, but Maker, I love you. I love you more than I ever thought I would love anyone." She felt tears in her eyes for the millionth time since she'd been called away, but this time she didn't even try to stop them. The dam was opened and she let the tears pool beneath her. "You were meant for this – for more than a simple life, Cassyndra. I've known that since the day you marched into my clinic demanding my deep roads maps." She heard Anders chuckle a little, but there was no laughter left in Cassyndra. She clung to him like child clinging to his mother.

_I wish we could be laughing_

_Instead I'm standing here asking_

_Do we have to end this now?_

"What if I'm too late? What If – what if you're gone?" She hated thinking of losing Anders to the Taint – hated that their time was so limited. He had ten more years – give or take and she knew she wouldn't be gone that long, but the very idea terrified her. Between them she could feel the fear and anguish the linked them now – the longing and the sadness. She was like a templar who walked away from lyrium – she wasn't sure she'd be able to breathe or think without him beside her.

_Can we make this last somehow?_

"Cassyndra – I'm not going anywhere until you get home. Now, why are we saying goodbye? Since when do you believe in goodbyes?" She felt him pull her closer to his him, entwining her further in his arms.

_We both know what we've gotta say, not today_

"Then what are we supposed to do?"

"Whatever it takes to forget all the bad things in the world, Love. You were always so good at doing that for me. I guess it's my turn."

_Cause I don't wanna leave this way_

* * *

><p>There was no more perfect a world than the one in which Anders held Cassyndra Hawke in his arms. She'd been his best friend and lover for nearly twenty years and she was still everything that mattered to him. Who would he be without her influence in his life?<p>

_Don't say goodbye_

_Cause I don't wanna hear those words tonight_

She shifted a little, adjusting where she lay with her head on his chest as she slept and Anders kissed the crown of her head. Even years later, Anders could still appreciate the world he perceived without the influence of the Fade Spirit in him.

_Cause maybe it's not the end for you and I_

She'd been like his compass in the tempest for so long – the one thing that kept him sailing toward the shore when he wanted nothing more than to drift among the waves. He would stay strong without her – he had promised her and promised himself that she would come home to find Anders as he had been since that faithful day at the Circle – full of a life that was all his own.

_And although we knew_

_This time would come for me and you_

"Goodbye, Cassyndra." He whispered, pulling her close to quell his fears. He wasn't sure he'd ever be able to actually say those words when she was awake but now, in the dark of the night, he could say them. He'd never known a mage who'd dared to fall in love. He had and this was not the end. He knew that this couldn't be the end. He wasn't done – he had ten years left.

_Don't say anything tonight_

_If you're gonna say goodbye_

* * *

><p>"Promise me you'll go. Even if I'm not back." Kalirosa said, looking up into the eyes of her king and Grey Warden husband. In the morning light, everything seemed more urgent—more dire.<p>

"I'll go, Kali. I promise – but you'll be back." Alistair replied, pulling Kalirosa into his embrace before she turned to her son, Duncan Theirin. He was nearly grown now and looked just like Alistair – he was a man and prince nearly ready to take on the throne that his father would leave behind.

_And if it's over_

_It hurts but I'm giving you my word_

"I love you, Duncan. No matter what. You are my miracle child."

"I love you too, Mother. I know you'll come home to us." The young man smiled as he embraced his mother – strong like his father in times when it would be so easy to give up. Kalirosa looked up at her husband – he was beginning to fall apart and she leaned up and placed a kiss on his lips.

"I'll love you forever, My King."

Across the room, Cassyndra and her small family were saying their final goodbyes as she pulled her little angel into her arms and held Leandra there until the ten-year-old's tears began to subside.

"I'll be home soon, my little Leandra." She whispered, tucking the girl's blonde hair behind her ear. Her teal blue eyes begged Cassyndra not to leave and she forced herself to stand and turn to her husband. He looked so strong – so ready to continue their life, but she knew he was dying inside.

_I hope that you're always_

_Happy like we were_

"You'll remember your promise, Anders?" She asked, stepping closer to him – seeking his touch one last time before she was torn away from him. She would be delirious without him – like a child left alone in the cold night.

"I promise, Love. I won't die here of the taint. I'll go with Alistair if I have to – and Justice won't be returning." He smiled as he pulled her into his arms – seeking her warmth and the calm that she brought one last time. "I love you, Cassyndra. I love you more than anything."

_Happy like we were_

Out in the courtyard, Cassyndra and Kalirosa looked back at their families. The two men, like brothers, stood side by side – watching their wives ride away. Leandra sat in Duncan's lap, crying on his shoulder as all four pairs of eyes watched the departure of the women they loved. Kalirosa snapped the reins and urged the horse on – glancing back only once more to make sure that Cassyndra was close behind her. The Hero of Ferelden and the Champion of Kirkwall rode away – they were leaping into the abyss. In a world on the precipice of change, they would fly or they would fall.

_Yesterday we were laughing (if you're gonna say goodbye)_

_Today I'm left here asking (if you're gonna say goodbye)_

_Although we knew this time would come for me and you_

_Don't say anything tonight_

_If you're gonna say goodbye_


	19. Epilogue

***A/N*** And with this final installment of Vengeance and Archdemons, I bid adieu to my first completed fanfiction. Hopefully it will provide a little closure even though it's short. I expect to begin publishing my next Dragon Age fanfiction in the coming weeks so, if you enjoyed this story, please add me to your favorites or alerts so you can easily find my work.

I also have a blog ( vigilantelove. tumblr. com) where I post illustration and excerpts from my current and upcoming work so please check there to see excerpts from my upcoming dragonage fictions entitled: _Betrayal _(Anders/F!Hawke), _Called to You _(Alistair/Mahariel) and _Royal Bastards _(Alistair/Aeducan). Thank you for your readership! **Shoutout to Towa-no-Tawa, my most loyal reviewer. **

* * *

><p><strong>Epilogue<strong>

Five years Cassyndra and Kalirosa fought to save Thedas from the inevitable plunge into the abyss. They fought until even the titles of Champion and Hero rang hollow. And when it was all over the women rode home to Denerim.

Alistair and Anders were still alive and well and neither had begun to hear their Callings. By then, Prince Duncan Theirin was a man – in advanced training with his father as a templar and a warrior and Leandra Hawke was a teenager, serving as Assistant Court Healer beside her father.

It was ten years before the Calling came. They had lived 35 years with the Taint, but it was time. Despite there being only three Grey Wardens among them, Alistair, Kalirosa, Anders and Cassyndra journeyed to Orzammar together and together the four braved the deep roads. At first, it seemed that there would never be enough darkspawn to kill the four heroes, but in time, they fell. Together the four friends faced oblivion and the Maker welcomed them with open arms.

Duncan Bryce Theirin proudly took on the crown of his father –continuing the Theirin bloodline as ruler of Ferelden. He ruled alone for several years before shocking the kingdom by announcing his engagement to Leandra Bethany Hawke – the daughter of his father's most trusted advisor. At first, there were murmurings of hatred amongst the banns and nobles – that there would be a new Imperium should a mage be crowned Queen. The murmurings were quelled when a new agreement was made between mage and templar – one that guaranteed that no Theirin mage would abuse his or her powers. The templars took on a new role – they became royal guardians of the throne and the upholders of Leandra's promise.

Leandra was the first mage to hold a position of power outside the Imperium since the Exalted Marches, but she was not the last. The magic lineage within the Fereldan royal family was an inspiration to nations across Thedas that mages could hold power and not be consumed by it. It was the first step toward peace – the culmination of everything that Leandra's father had fought for.

The sacrifices of the Alistair, Kalirosa, Anders and Cassyndra were never forgotten. The Wardens retained their arling in Amaranthine and their honor in Ferelden, and when Leandra's children were born she named them for her family. It was the greatest honor she could do for the four heroes.


End file.
